Record of our first online workshop - 14th March

Laura Storr has joined.
Niloo has joined.
me: me too?
Niloo: wheres buddhi
Laura Storr: no idea
You have invited dissanayake to this chat.
Laura Storr: no sign - doesn't look good
me: i'll just tell her to log out of gmail
Niloo: or send her the invitiaiton againa
me: she is logging out and loggin in again
will leave it to you laura to invite her back in - it may be too many of uswere inviting her [nose sad]
Laura Storr: ok - I've invited her twice already
Niloo: send her a invitiation once she logs in again
me: let her log out of gmail first
Laura Storr: Ok - I don't know when that is - but will wait
Niloo: tills she comes on line, can we decide what we will chat about .
for the 1 hour.
so that we may not waste time
me: well I would like Laura to comment on each of our stories
and saying something about their structure and content as well as what CAFOD particularly loks for
Laura Storr: Ok I can start then - I'll start with Niloo
me: ok laura can u now invite Buddi?
Niloo: yeah
Laura Storr: Given below is the story we included in the brochure


Story of Change- Batticaloa/ Kalmunai -EHED - Lending a helping hand to a hard worker.

When the tsunami hit Batticaloa, in the eastern coast of Sri Lanka, Mrs. Rasa Alatrees lost her house. “We had purchased the land with the money we managed to save,” says Mrs. Alatrees recalling the days she paddled the boat in the lagoon while her husband laid the nets for the catch. “We had borrowed from a money lender to build our house,” she continues.
The destruction of their house, and the pressure by the money lender to repay the loan, made her husband, who fell critically ill by gulping the brackish water of the Killer Wave, depressed as well. To earn their living, they set out on carrying passengers between Batticaloa and Kalmunai in their damaged boat, as the roads had been completely washed away.

She received a transitional shelter with the promise of a new house from Caritas Batticaloa/Kalmunai-EHED. “When my husband heard that EHED would provide us with a house, there was a considerable improvement in his condition. Had it not been for the assistance of EHED, my husband’s depression would have worsened and I could even have lost him,” she says with gratitude.

The staff of EHED had given her four designs of houses to choose from. “I chose a model which we liked very much. I hired a skilled mason who had built my previous house. EHED paid him through me,” says Mrs. Alatrees.

EHED also provided her with a loan and grant to start her business. She used this support to enhance her family trade of fishing, with training she received in leadership, group formation and savings prior to the Tsunami as a member of an animation group of EHED.
“I was fortunate to learn to read and write. I know the value of education and am determined to give my children a decent education.” says Mrs. Alatrees who learnt these skills only by observing the lessons her brothers followed in school.



OK here goes
me: did you invite Buddi Laura?
Laura Storr: The basic structure of this story is good.
I'll do it again
Ok - Niloo - It's important to start with the most interesting thing
Niloo: like?
Laura Storr: Tsunami stories - especially about housing are difficult now I think because they've all been told before
Therefore - I'd probably start it in a different way
Niloo: yeah, that where it gets boring even to write ir
it
Laura Storr: tell me abou tit
buddhi. dissanayake has joined.
Niloo: yeah, buddhi is in
Laura Storr: Anyway - the source info you had isn't great but I think you had two other options
me: wow at last Phew!
dissanayake: Am I join no
Laura Storr: You could have started with the depression of the husband as there are some good quotes in the source material
Or you could have focused on the livelihoods side of the story - the group she joined to improve her fishing business
I think this would have made a more interesting angle
Hi buddhi - glad you're in at last!
Niloo: o.k. but i didnt want to drag about the depression
Laura Storr: But I think the fact that the tsunami caused him despression is more interesting than them losing their house
me: whoops - we just had a 1 second power cut
not sure if I lost you
Laura Storr: I think you have to stop treating tsunami as the main event - and use it as part of the context
dissanayake: I read the stories of nioo and lauras as well and hope you did mine too
Laura Storr: For example - this person has the following problems, and the tsunami is just part of the history
Niloo: can you give me a sec, i have to run downstairs for a sec
Laura Storr: Don't worry buddhi - I have feedback for you too. Just started with Niloo's first
me: that's the beauty of an online chat ! [nose smile]
Laura Storr: I could start critiquing buddhi's work while Niloo is away?
dissanayake: Allright just watching your conversation and learning from it
me: well let's stay with Nillo's now as it will all be there on screen and she can reply when she gets back
Laura Storr: Ok fine
Another comment on your piece Niloo - It's always good to use the person's age and whether they've got any children as this builds up a little picture about them
It's also something they may have in common with the audience here
To vary the content you can do the following: Thirty-eight-year-old Rasa said "blah, blah".
Or "The mother of two was doing such and such at the time of the tsunami
Sent at 3:54 PM on Friday
Laura Storr: Also - in the UK we normally use first names in this type of feature instead of Mrs Altrees. I may use Rasa Altrees at some point in the story - but the rest of the time will call her Rasa. I think this is a cultural thing
me: it is good to learn those short cuts - rather than getting into detailed sentences
Niloo: im in
Laura Storr: It just means you don't have to repeat yourself as much - you can use the "she saids" to impart information
Niloo: o.k.
Laura Storr: If you look at the paragraph starting EHED also provided her with a loan
dissanayake: Niloo laura has given some feedback while you were away and have a look on above
Laura Storr: Wait I'll put it here
Niloo: i saw your comments
Laura Storr: EHED also provided her with a loan and grant to start her business. She used this support to enhance her family trade of fishing, with training she received in leadership, group formation and savings prior to the Tsunami as a member of an animation group of EHED.
“I was fortunate to learn to read and write. I know the value of education and am determined to give my children a decent education.” says Mrs. Alatrees who learnt these skills only by observing the lessons her brothers followed in school.
Right - this paragraph has a lot of jargon in it that a UK audience wouldn't understand
Niloo: what do you mena by jargon
what type of hjargon
Laura Storr: "She used support to enhance her family trade of fishing, with training in leadership etc" - how did she enhace her trade?
Niloo: o.k.
understand. i think i left out that part very convenint;ly
Laura Storr: What changed - did she employ people to work for her? How did the training help her? Did she make more money - I want to know more detail here
I think the problem you have is you're relying on other people's interviews which is hard - as you need to rely on them to ask the right questions
Niloo: yeah.
your right
if i asked the quesiotn it would be different
Laura Storr: It's always hard when you're trying to right something from source material that has lots of gaps
Niloo: maybe you should also start to critique buddhi's story
she may get bored
Laura Storr: Another tip - try to keep your sentences short. It makes it easier to read and helps keep attention. You can also use shorter sentences to create drama
Ok - I'll move to buddhi's now
Buddhi - as you did an interview first I'd like to critique that too.
me: I have noticed a tendency in web stories to make each sentence a paragraph on its own
really cutting up long paragraphs - what is CAFOD's style in this respect?
Laura Storr: Yep - thats the way to write for the web - long paragraphs on websites just don't look right
Niloo: id also like to learn on how to write for the web
Laura Storr: We do that at CAFOD - pretty much one sentence per paragraph
dissanayake: Yea I also noticed it
Laura Storr: Ok - well I'll note down web writing for the future. But will critique buddhi now
So - the first thing I want to say about your interview - is its a good idea to ask the person to tell you about someone that particularly sticks with them
dissanayake: Yea I am waiting for the feedback
Laura Storr: And the info you got on the incident itself is really good
me: as a useful aside - I have divided my screen in tow - the lef t half for the chat window and the right half for the blog with the stories
two [nose smile]
Laura Storr: Incident:
On 14th April 2007 night at about 11.00 p.m when I was staying at my home with my grandmother somebody knocked our door. When we ask who is knocking the door, the person said to open the door, if not will break it. As he didn’t tell his name we didn’t open the door. Then the person broke the door and came in. I recognize him, he hit my grandmother and she fell off at the floor and she could not stand in. I shouted him saying not to hit my grandmother, but he didn’t listen to us and he pick me with his both hands and came out of the house. While my grandmother and myself shouting and asking help without putting me down he ran into the road and there only he put me down. I tried lot to push him away but I failed and he raped me. Nobody came to help me. Then after raping me he ran along the road and could not see where went off. Hardly I got up and walk to one of my aunt’s home. I explain the incident to her and the following morning we went to the police and put a complaint. I told the whole story to the police and later on I get them a medical report also. But nothing had happen because of the power of the accused party. Everyday we got death threats from them and we had to leave our residence also. (Victims name is Dilrukshi Kumari / 19 years of age)
It would be even better to have some quotes from the girl about how she feels/felt - but for this you would have to interview her yourself. This would make a stronger story
If I was interviewing Asela I would have asked more personal questions about her like
What motivates you to do this type of work?
How do you feel when you manage to bring a case to court and get a conviction?
Niloo: yeah, i think so too
Laura Storr: What do you find personally difficult about this work?
The thing about stories is they have to have characters - and the more personal you can get the better.
Niloo: but espcially when it coes to sensitive stories like human rights etc., how personal can you get
me: yes I can see there are questions of ethics too - so can't we sometime use flase names?
Laura Storr: In this case - you didn't have access to the girl who was raped - so you couldn't get these emotional quotes from her. Therefore you need to get the emotion from the other "character" in the story - which is asela
dissanayake: Do you think we need to interview the victim always or to can we get the first hand information from the person who is handiling the case?
Laura Storr: To answer your questions - I think this is exactly the time to get personal - this could be a really moving story. As steve says, if something is sensitive then you can use a false name and declare it
Sent at 4:09 PM on Friday
me: ummm - a pause - or is it my internet connection?
dissanayake: This is not the only case of the rape victims. This is the pathetic side of all the women in sri lanka
Laura Storr: Your internet connection - I invited you back in
me: oh dear - hope I didn;t miss much - this is very helpful
Laura Storr: In a story though its important to focus in on one thing and make a real impact
As its come up - just a quick comment on language
Niloo: yes
Laura Storr: The word "pathetic" has different conotations here. I would very rarely use it.
dissanayake: Yes in my story i aimed the victim not the athetic situation of women in Sri Lanka
Laura Storr: sorry don't understand
Pathetic in the Uk is quite negative. It implies that the person you are talking about can't be bothered to do anything about the situation they are in. Other words to use would be difficult/tragic etc.
dissanayake: In my story I tryied to highlight the girls present status
Niloo: pathetic is not such a dramaic word here
dramatic
its quite a common word
Laura Storr: Buddhi - it may be better for you to write stories in your own language and have them translated into English as writing features requires quite an advanced knowledge of a language I think
dissanayake: It is good to learn some words from you laura. we here normally use the word "pathetic" if the situation is not good at all
Niloo: yeah,same meaning
but less importance given
like i said, its not such a dramatic word here
Laura Storr: Oh my god we're running out of time
me: well we can continue next week [nose smile]
i am learning
Niloo: o.k.
dissanayake: Yes that is true. When I write case studies from my own language it is more emotional and when I write it in Englished I do faile to get the emotional part
Niloo: can we decide on what we will chat about next week
so we can prepare
before hand
dissanayake: Yes it is good to have more training sessions
Niloo: or maybe you can communicate that to us through email
Laura Storr: I think I'm going to ask you both to rewrite your stories as the assignment for next week - but I need to give some more feedback
Yes - I think I can do it through email possibly
dissanayake: Yes with all the lessons that we gained today it is good to re-write the same story
Niloo: o.k. the only concern is we are closed office from next thursday
Laura Storr: Next week is not good though as we're off for easter. Can we make the next session in April?
Niloo: yeah
thats better
me: when does CAFOD come back?
Laura Storr: Steve - I can give a quick critique of yours if you like?
dissanayake: Yes we too closed for Easter
me: thanks - would be very helpful
Laura Storr: We come back on 26 March - but I'm running a photo workshop that day - would prefer to make it in April
me: 4th April?
Laura Storr: I found yours the hardest to critique to be honest - personal writing is much less structured.
me: umm - i will try to do an interview next time
Niloo: o.k. 4th april sounds good. do you think you could share some of the photo training with us too
dissanayake: 4th april is ok with me
Laura Storr: I think the subject is a bit difficult - talking about actors doing a play - even an interactive one is a barrier to the reader
You're describing something visual through a non visual medium and I felt detached.
Connecting the play to the wider reality
Niloo: maybe share some information on email. if you have
Laura Storr: Connecting the play to the wider reality was good - play is mirroring reality. but then I wanted to know more about the reality rather than the play
dissanayake: Yes we will learn through this chatting and e-mail. Specially we can share each others informations
Laura Storr: You could have used the play as a way in to talk about the conflict and your own experience of it possibly?
me: yes - have to say though my concern was to keep it short and not to becoing too boring - which I think i have a tendency to do
Laura Storr: Also - I wanted more about your feelings. Remember a story must have at least one character to make it engaging - you are the character in this one
me: Yes I see that
Laura Storr: Just as a finishing note a word about characters
me: yep
Laura Storr: This is for everyone! It's a good tip to think about your interviewees as characters when you're writing a story. There are two types - Micro characters - which is normally he main person in the story
dissanayake: Just one thing laura. can i highlight the victims character in my next story and the situation of her or the situation of sri lakan women
Laura Storr: They talk about their own situation - what's happened to them. So in today's examples they would be the girl that was raped, or Rasa who got a knew house
me: what's a wacro character then?
macro
Laura Storr: A full feature - will also have a macro character. This is someone who talks about the wider context. For example In Buddhi's story, Asela could be used as the macro character - you could use her interview to talk about the wider problems for women in sri lanka.
Niloo: who should be my macro character then
Laura Storr: However - if the feature was about her personal feelings about her work then she would become the micro character - because she would be the main focus, and you probably wouldn't have a macro in this case
Niloo: can I, make general statements and talk about the wider context
dissanayake: Umm I find this training is very much intresting
me: that also seems to be an inversion of macro verses micro??
Laura Storr: You don't have one as there isn't another character in the story. But you could make one up. For example I would probably write a quote talking about the wider problems with depression for example in Sri Lanka post tsunami and attribute it to a programme manager - then get them to sign it off
me: [nose smile] now how often has that been done in my name....
Laura Storr: You can make general statements - but in feature writing you should try and expand on your statements - usually through quotes. But be careful not to repeat yoursefl
Don't worry steve - it means your important!
me: [cool]
Laura Storr: I just noticed its 11am - I guess you're all going ready to go home now you lucky people.
I have another meeting so I will have to go.
I'll send more feedback via email - and some more tips about how to structure your stories
How do people feel this session has gone?
me: thanks Laura - can we all agree on a date to continue?
Niloo: im anyway going to view his chat later in the night
o.k. 4th april
me: well except for the early problem of getting Buddi in the room - it has gone well
Laura Storr: Someone mentioned 4 April - that's fine by me. Same time?
me: amazing how quickly time flies
dissanayake: so we are going to meet on 4th april at the same time. thank you very much laura steve and niloo. i feel this is a great opportunity for me
me: OK - 4th is in my diary
Laura Storr: I feel like we haven't had enough time.
Niloo: mine too
me: will await your instructions on the assignment -
Laura Storr: Do people learn from eachother's feedback? Or are you bored when I'm critiquing someone else?
Niloo: no, its good to follow online
me: well I ceraitnly felt I learnt - but useful to ahve it in the chat box now and we can save it to read again later
Niloo: sometimes.
dissanayake: Yes i myself learnt a lot from each other. great. each one had different experiences
Laura Storr: ok - have to go to my meeting. See you on 4 April.
me: Ciao Laura
Niloo: bye and thanks
dissanayake: See you all bye . thanks again
me: Bye Niloo and Buddi - have a nice weekend albeit thundering here as I type
Niloo: yes. have a good weekend too, all of you
dissanayake: steve will this text save automatically or we have do?
me: umm I am not sure - i think automaticall but to be safe type cntrl a
highlight the text - then copy and save into word
Sent at 4:35 PM on Friday
me: ah Cntrl a does n't work so you'll have to highlight the wole box then right menu click and copy - save into word