Attached herewith is the assignment 2b by Niloopa - for 14th May 2008
Introduction to a story - Caritas Sri LAnka March April newsletter 2008
People - Images - life in the Vanni
Manuel Thevarajah is from Vanni and is the father of six and at the age of forty seven, he has had to give up his home and his means of livelihood due to the unstable situation in the country. This is often a frustrating state of affairs for a man like Manuel who earned well and provided for his large family while living in the village of Mullikulam.
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1 comment:
Hi Niloo, this is good - lets break it down a bit:
Who - Manuel (37, father of six)
Where - Vanni
When - implies now - although could be in the past
What - he has given up his home & livelihood
Why - because of the unstable situation
This is good - you have all the points, but I think it could be a bit snappier. It's important to establish his age, and family situation, but try to put them in as adjectives, instead of using his name rather than stating everything at the beginning. Think of what is most interesting - he has had to give up his home and job. Put that at the beginning of the first sentence.
You can then give more information about Manuel by describing him as "The 37-year-old father of six".
Also - "his means livelihood" is a bit long and clumsy. Try "has had to stop working" or "has had to give up his job".
I will rewrite it a little bit to give you an idea:
Manuel and his six children have been forced to abandon their home in Vanni, Sri Lanka because of the ongoing conflict that is ravaging the country.
The 37-year-old has also had to give up his job and is struggling to support his family.
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