Saman Priyankara, who was inhumanly tortured by the Police, has just won the best small industry owner award of the central province with the help of Setik income-generating programme.
He is a father of two children and was arrested by the police on a complaint about illicit liquor. The police tortured him severely by putting boiled water over his body. He was injured seriously and admitted to the general hospital of Matale district of the central Sri Lanka. When he was at the hospital he and his family got threatens number of times by the police saying not to complain to any authorities about this incident. Luckily Saman’s wife came to Setik and complain about the incident while to victim was admitted at the hospital. With the help of our Human Rights unit we filed a FR case on behalf of him and now a days the case is hearing at the Supreme Court.
Since Saman get back to normalcy he joined Setik Human Rights unit victims committee and actively involved in all the HR activities. He had a small industry of making mushrooms and he request Setik to get him more training on it and a loan to develop the product. He was sent to Gannoruwa agriculture training school of Kandy district of Central Sri Lanka for more training on making mushrooms and once he returns after two weeks the necessary loan also provided him since Setik satisfied with his progress. He developed his industry in a very short period and finally was awarded as the best small industry owner of the area.
Now more than 30 people are working at his mushroom garden and he is earning quite a profit to run his family. He is still a member of Setik HR committee and involving with its activities. Saman says with appreciation “who am today is because of Setik?”
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Training session on quotes/description
10:03 AM alston.steve has joined laurastorr2: Hi Niloo - are you there?
10:04 AM niloopafernando@gmail.com has joined laurastorr2: Just going to make a cup of tea while I wait fo you
10:05 AM niloopafernando: o.k. im in
10:06 AM i read my comments on my pieces of work
10:07 AM laurastorr2: Great - not sure where buddhi is - hopefully she'll join us soon - do you want to talk about the pieces of work more? niloopafernando: o.k. just to check something 10:08 AM doesnt the work has had to stop working , or has had to give up his job sound a little too simple
10:10 AM laurastorr2: Manuel and his six children have been forced to abandon their home in Vanni, Sri Lanka because of the ongoing conflict that is ravaging the country.
The 37-year-old has also had to give up his job and is struggling to support his family.
Manuel Thevarajah is from Vanni and is the father of six and at the age of forty seven, he has had to give up his home and his means of livelihood due to the unstable situation in the country. This is often a frustrating state of affairs for a man like Manuel who earned well and provided for his large family while living in the village of Mullikulam.
Generally its good to start simple and then expand later - but you might have a point. HOw would you put it?
10:11 AM Instead of talking in generic terms - has had to give up his means of a livelihood - lets talk about what it actually is. Is he a fisherman? Or what? What are the details? niloopafernando: maybe id use the word livelihood, but i gues in a way non NGO people would not understand what livelihood meant
10:12 AM laurastorr2: Livelihood is generally understood by people I think- but not really used outside of the NGO sector. What is his livelihood in this particular case? niloopafernando: He is fisherman he is a fisherman
10:13 AM laurastorr2: OK - so talk about that specifically rather than using the generic term livelihood. Why can't he fish anymore?
10:14 AM niloopafernando: let me put the other other part of the story for your information “The village is suitable for fishing, cultivation and animal husbandry. Fishing and cultivation were my key jobs and I earned more than thirty thousand rupees per month through both. I was living a happy and peaceful life with my family in the village”
After nearly thirteen years spent in refugee camps, Manuel thought he had found some kind of peace and stability thanks to Caritas Mannar - Valvuthayam which had implemented a housing project in their village and provided the villagers with homes.
The intense security situation evicted them from their home and Manuel and his family have been shifted around from place to place carrying only a handful of belongings; depending on the kindness of friends and the support of Caritas Mannar –Valvuthayam.
The War Victims Program of the Relief and Rehabilitation unit of (CSL) SEDEC in collaboration with Caritas Mannar –Valvuthayam provided Manuel’s family along with many others who were in the same situation with food, non food items and temporary shelters.
10:15 AM laurastorr2: Ok - in this session I think we need to finish off the first couple of paragraphs and then talk about how we can expand on this particular story niloopafernando: o.k. just to let you know. he was a fisherman and he used to cultivate too. the war situation made him displaced and so he could carry on with his work
10:16 AM do you want me to tel buddhi over the phone to come on line
10:17 AM laurastorr2: Ok fine - I think the story above is written really well. Very clear - good language and short sentences. There are just a couple of things. We generally don't use the term non-food items - this is jargon/NGO speak. Instead name some of the items that the family recieved - blankets. kitchen utensils whatever.
10:18 AM The fact that he has been living in refugee camps for 13 years should probably go further up - this is really interesting Has he not been working all this time too?
10:19 AM Are you still there Niloo? niloopafernando: yes. sorry i had a call laurastorr2: No worries
10:20 AM niloopafernando: yeah i guess he has not been working all this time. i got this story from a second hand person laura give me asec
10:21 AM laurastorr2: Fine - just let me know when you're back
10:23 AM niloopafernando: sorry. the journalist David Snyder is visiting Galle on thurs and fri and so some arrangemnts had to be done
10:24 AM laurastorr2: No worries - are you ready now?
niloopafernando: yes
10:26 AM laurastorr2: Ok - do you want to rewrite your intro - in your own words maybe bringing in the fact that he's been living in a camp for 13 years - and that he hasn't been able to work in all that time?
niloopafernando: o..k do you want me to do it now
laurastorr2: Yes - I think that would be helpful
niloopafernando: ill give it a go, if you want
10:27 AM 47 year old father of six Manual Thevarajah has had to leave his home and
10:28 AM his job
10:29 AM due to the war situation that had been ravaging in the country
10:30 AM He has been displaced for the past 13 years.
laurastorr2: There's a problem with the when here - it sounds like he's only just left his home but he actually left it 13 years ago. Might be better to start with the fact he's been living in a camp.
10:31 AM niloopafernando@gmail.com has left
laurastorr2: Also - displaced is a bit of an NGO term - I do used it occaisionally - but I try to use other phrases. Like forced to flee their home, or living in a temporary camp
niloopafernando@gmail.com has joined
10:32 AM niloopafernando: im in
10:33 AM i just called buddhi. she said she was busy but she said she will come online i possible
10:34 AM just to ask you something. How do you invite people for a group chat
laurastorr2: Maybe something like this - Manual Thevarajah has been living in a temporary camp with his six children for the last 13 years. He was forced to abandon his home and give up his fishing business when Sorry - just click on the group chat icon at the top and then click on the contact - I can invite buddhi again
10:35 AM She's still offline
niloopafernando: o.k. o.k. i get it , may be like a summary less words but more concised
10:36 AM laurastorr2: It's important to get the most relevant and recent thing at the beginning. In this case - he left his home 13 years ago - so this is not the most relevant thing - the most relevant thing is that he's still living in a camp - and has been living there for 13 years Sorry I didn't finish - will try again
10:37 AM niloopafernando: do i chose what is important to highlight in the beginning
10:38 AM laurastorr2: Manual Thevarajah has been living in a temporary camp in Vanni, Sri Lanka for the last 13 years. He and his six children were forced to abandon their home when fighting escalated in the area around his village.
Yes - you have to choose out of all the things in the story - what the most interesting and relevant thing is.
10:39 AM niloopafernando: o.k. get it
10:40 AM laurastorr2: So if we were continuing this story I would probably do one of the following. A quote would be good from Vanni - describing either what it was like when he left his home - or what its like living in the camp for so long. Do you have a quote like this?
10:41 AM buddhi.dissanayake@gmail.com has joined
laurastorr2: Sometimes if you don't have a direct quote - but you have third hand information - you can turn it into a quote as long as you don't change the meaning of what the person said at the time
Hi Buddhi - we're just talking about Niloo's intro
10:42 AM niloopafernando: meaning, is it ethical
laurastorr2: Niloo - can you write the next sentence - and I'll show Buddhi the comments I made on the blog niloopafernando: o.k.
10:45 AM laurastorr2: Obviously its always better to have direct quotes - but often international staff come back from the field and give me their notes. It will say something like this - Mohammed sat with his daughter in front of him and said he was frightened during the flood and had to climb on top of his house with his family and wait for it to go down.
I use this in the following way: "I was very frightened when the flood came" said Mohammed, holding his daughter closely in front of him. "We had to climb on top of our house and wait for the water to go down". Do you see?
buddhi.dissanayake@gmail.com has left
10:46 AM niloopafernando: yes.
laurastorr2: Hi Buddhi - I put some comments on your assignment yesterday - did you see them?
10:47 AM niloopafernando: i think she is gone offline
laurastorr2: Oh dear - buddhi seems to be offline
10:49 AM Ok - I think she is too busy to join us. I will do a separate session with her maybe next week. How are you getting on with writing the next paragraph? What do you think should come next? And why?
10:50 AM niloopafernando: there is this other quote, this is often a frustratine state of affairs for a man like Manual ( meaning becuase he was in a camp)
10:51 AM who used to earn around 30,000 ruppes from fishing and cultivation to provide for his large family maybe i can use it like this
10:52 AM laurastorr2: Ok - so try turning that into a direct quote instead of saying it in the third person - this will make the reader care more about Manuel and draw them in. Can you try and adapt it - similar to what I did above with the flood?
niloopafernando: " It was frustrating for me as i used to earn around 30,000 ruppes from fishing and cultivation to provide for his large family
10:53 AM sorry!! to provide for my large family.
10:54 AM laurastorr2: This is good - but I want to teach you another trick about including quotes. It's great for someone to start speaking, but even if you've only talked about one person in the story - the reader still wonders who is speaking. It is always good to write a bit of the quote - then break it to say, said Manuel and then carry on with the rest of the quote. Can you try this?
10:56 AM niloopafernando: "It was frustrating for me," said Manual . "I used to earn around 30,000 rupees a month from fishing and cultivating."
10:57 AM laurastorr2: Yes great - this is already much better - but I want to know more. He used to earn that - what is happening now? Add on something about how he finds it hard to provide for this family now he is living in the camp. Or how its difficult to get work
10:59 AM niloopafernando: Manual and his fmaily have been shifted from place to placecarrying only a handful of belongings; depending on the kindess and suport of friends and Caritas Valuvuthayam. i have to look for the original story. i cant remebr what he is doibng now
11:00 AM laurastorr2: Don't worry - this will be your assignment anyway - so you can do it later. niloopafernando: o..k. thanks. so do we stop our training from here
11:01 AM laurastorr2: I want to teach you another trick about using direct quotes. If possible its always good to place that person somewhere - where are they when they are saying this, what are they doing? This is much easier when you do the interview yourself , but its possible to do it even with second hand stories.
niloopafernando: o.k. i get it
11:02 AM laurastorr2: For example: "It is frustrating for me," said Manuel, sitting outside his makeshift shelter in XXXX camp. "I used to earn 30,000 rupees from fishing and cultivation, but now I'm struggling to make ends meet."
11:03 AM niloopafernando: add more description as to the location and his appearance so that the reader can have a mental picture, right?
11:04 AM laurastorr2: You can use lots of things - you can use family relationships "holding his son on his knee", you can use work if its relevant - "he says, as he mends his fishing net", or if the quote is very emotional "he said, looking down at the ground".
11:05 AM Yes - exactly - but by putting this into the quote - instead of in a separate sentence - it feels natural - not like you're deliberately doing it - but that the person is there talking to Manuel too But you can put it in a separate sentence too - you can try both. Do you want to stop the training now? I can carry on for a bit - or we can stop - whatever is good for you
11:07 AM niloopafernando: maybe a lil bit more. sorry i had to go downstairs give me a minute til i read what you have written
laurastorr2: Fine no worries
11:08 AM niloopafernando: o..k. read it i understand. this tips are really good.
11:09 AM laurastorr2: As we're on description - if you have space its really good to describe the place where the story is taking place. For example - describe the camp?
11:10 AM niloopafernando: the size, how the tent looks etc.,?
laurastorr2: Or Manuel's shelter...this is hard if you haven't been there - but might be possible especially if you have pictures - or have been to similar camps in the past
11:11 AM niloopafernando: yes
11:13 AM laurastorr2: Yes. I'll give you an example: Dust swirls off the ground in XXX camp that is home to 2,000 people. Blue pastic tarpaulin flaps slightly in the breeze, making small thudding noises against the palm leaf shacks.
11:14 AM Or even better: Dust swirls off the ground in XXX camp, in Vanni that is now home to more than 2,000 people forced to flee their homes because of Sri Lanka's ongoing conflict. niloopafernando: yeah, i think the earlier one has too many adjectives, i thought.
11:15 AM but i gues its good for a feature story
laurastorr2: Yes - it just depends on what you are writing the story for. You wouldn't put all this description in a news story for example - then you just give the facts - but the type of stories we often need to tell are better for features - because they're not actually news.
11:16 AM niloopafernando: yes iagree
11:17 AM laurastorr2: In a feature story you could even start the story with this type of atmospheric description. Personally I love to use loads of adjectives - they help describe all sorts of things. When you're trying to do descriptive writing think of the five senses: sight, sound, smell, touch (and taste - although we use this less!)
11:18 AM If you are on a trip - write down observations on all these things - what does it look like - write down details because you will forget them later, but don't forget the other senses too - are there any sounds, smells? This all helps to paint a picture
11:19 AM niloopafernando: maybe its my style of writing, the amount of adjectives i use is less, because i was taught in advertising, during my copy writing days, less adjectives. but i guess stories like this have to be included. Laura, i really have to go now. Is it o.k.
laurastorr2: Yes fine - I'll just set you your assignment for next time.
11:20 AM niloopafernando: thanks o.k. i think we need to save a copy of this for Buddhi too
laurastorr2: 1. Re-write you intro and continue to write another few paragraphs - including personal quotes and how Caritas is helping.
11:21 AM niloopafernando: o.k. whenis the next day
laurastorr2: 2. Write another type of intro - for more of a feature story. Try to build atmosphere and use descriptive language so the reader feels like they are in the room with you.
niloopafernando: o.k. will give it a shot
laurastorr2: 3. Look for examples of descriptive writing and post them on the blog - why do you like them? Notice which sense they use - sight, sounds, smell?
11:22 AM I have done quite a few descriptive pieces, so I'll post them on the blog too. When do you want to do the next workshop? How does 2 weeks sound? I can do 25/26 June?
11:23 AM niloopafernando: or fine o.k. fine
11:24 AM laurastorr2: Which day do you prefer? niloopafernando: both are o.k. for me for the moment. but lets put 25th
laurastorr2: Ok - will put it in my diary. 10am Uk Time. 2.30pm Sri Lanka time. see you then. I'll save this and post it on the blog for Buddhi
11:25 AM niloopafernando: thank. i think i need it too as i cant remember all the assignments. thanks again, laura
laurastorr2: Thanks for your participation! Bye for now
10:04 AM niloopafernando@gmail.com has joined laurastorr2: Just going to make a cup of tea while I wait fo you
10:05 AM niloopafernando: o.k. im in
10:06 AM i read my comments on my pieces of work
10:07 AM laurastorr2: Great - not sure where buddhi is - hopefully she'll join us soon - do you want to talk about the pieces of work more? niloopafernando: o.k. just to check something 10:08 AM doesnt the work has had to stop working , or has had to give up his job sound a little too simple
10:10 AM laurastorr2: Manuel and his six children have been forced to abandon their home in Vanni, Sri Lanka because of the ongoing conflict that is ravaging the country.
The 37-year-old has also had to give up his job and is struggling to support his family.
Manuel Thevarajah is from Vanni and is the father of six and at the age of forty seven, he has had to give up his home and his means of livelihood due to the unstable situation in the country. This is often a frustrating state of affairs for a man like Manuel who earned well and provided for his large family while living in the village of Mullikulam.
Generally its good to start simple and then expand later - but you might have a point. HOw would you put it?
10:11 AM Instead of talking in generic terms - has had to give up his means of a livelihood - lets talk about what it actually is. Is he a fisherman? Or what? What are the details? niloopafernando: maybe id use the word livelihood, but i gues in a way non NGO people would not understand what livelihood meant
10:12 AM laurastorr2: Livelihood is generally understood by people I think- but not really used outside of the NGO sector. What is his livelihood in this particular case? niloopafernando: He is fisherman he is a fisherman
10:13 AM laurastorr2: OK - so talk about that specifically rather than using the generic term livelihood. Why can't he fish anymore?
10:14 AM niloopafernando: let me put the other other part of the story for your information “The village is suitable for fishing, cultivation and animal husbandry. Fishing and cultivation were my key jobs and I earned more than thirty thousand rupees per month through both. I was living a happy and peaceful life with my family in the village”
After nearly thirteen years spent in refugee camps, Manuel thought he had found some kind of peace and stability thanks to Caritas Mannar - Valvuthayam which had implemented a housing project in their village and provided the villagers with homes.
The intense security situation evicted them from their home and Manuel and his family have been shifted around from place to place carrying only a handful of belongings; depending on the kindness of friends and the support of Caritas Mannar –Valvuthayam.
The War Victims Program of the Relief and Rehabilitation unit of (CSL) SEDEC in collaboration with Caritas Mannar –Valvuthayam provided Manuel’s family along with many others who were in the same situation with food, non food items and temporary shelters.
10:15 AM laurastorr2: Ok - in this session I think we need to finish off the first couple of paragraphs and then talk about how we can expand on this particular story niloopafernando: o.k. just to let you know. he was a fisherman and he used to cultivate too. the war situation made him displaced and so he could carry on with his work
10:16 AM do you want me to tel buddhi over the phone to come on line
10:17 AM laurastorr2: Ok fine - I think the story above is written really well. Very clear - good language and short sentences. There are just a couple of things. We generally don't use the term non-food items - this is jargon/NGO speak. Instead name some of the items that the family recieved - blankets. kitchen utensils whatever.
10:18 AM The fact that he has been living in refugee camps for 13 years should probably go further up - this is really interesting Has he not been working all this time too?
10:19 AM Are you still there Niloo? niloopafernando: yes. sorry i had a call laurastorr2: No worries
10:20 AM niloopafernando: yeah i guess he has not been working all this time. i got this story from a second hand person laura give me asec
10:21 AM laurastorr2: Fine - just let me know when you're back
10:23 AM niloopafernando: sorry. the journalist David Snyder is visiting Galle on thurs and fri and so some arrangemnts had to be done
10:24 AM laurastorr2: No worries - are you ready now?
niloopafernando: yes
10:26 AM laurastorr2: Ok - do you want to rewrite your intro - in your own words maybe bringing in the fact that he's been living in a camp for 13 years - and that he hasn't been able to work in all that time?
niloopafernando: o..k do you want me to do it now
laurastorr2: Yes - I think that would be helpful
niloopafernando: ill give it a go, if you want
10:27 AM 47 year old father of six Manual Thevarajah has had to leave his home and
10:28 AM his job
10:29 AM due to the war situation that had been ravaging in the country
10:30 AM He has been displaced for the past 13 years.
laurastorr2: There's a problem with the when here - it sounds like he's only just left his home but he actually left it 13 years ago. Might be better to start with the fact he's been living in a camp.
10:31 AM niloopafernando@gmail.com has left
laurastorr2: Also - displaced is a bit of an NGO term - I do used it occaisionally - but I try to use other phrases. Like forced to flee their home, or living in a temporary camp
niloopafernando@gmail.com has joined
10:32 AM niloopafernando: im in
10:33 AM i just called buddhi. she said she was busy but she said she will come online i possible
10:34 AM just to ask you something. How do you invite people for a group chat
laurastorr2: Maybe something like this - Manual Thevarajah has been living in a temporary camp with his six children for the last 13 years. He was forced to abandon his home and give up his fishing business when Sorry - just click on the group chat icon at the top and then click on the contact - I can invite buddhi again
10:35 AM She's still offline
niloopafernando: o.k. o.k. i get it , may be like a summary less words but more concised
10:36 AM laurastorr2: It's important to get the most relevant and recent thing at the beginning. In this case - he left his home 13 years ago - so this is not the most relevant thing - the most relevant thing is that he's still living in a camp - and has been living there for 13 years Sorry I didn't finish - will try again
10:37 AM niloopafernando: do i chose what is important to highlight in the beginning
10:38 AM laurastorr2: Manual Thevarajah has been living in a temporary camp in Vanni, Sri Lanka for the last 13 years. He and his six children were forced to abandon their home when fighting escalated in the area around his village.
Yes - you have to choose out of all the things in the story - what the most interesting and relevant thing is.
10:39 AM niloopafernando: o.k. get it
10:40 AM laurastorr2: So if we were continuing this story I would probably do one of the following. A quote would be good from Vanni - describing either what it was like when he left his home - or what its like living in the camp for so long. Do you have a quote like this?
10:41 AM buddhi.dissanayake@gmail.com has joined
laurastorr2: Sometimes if you don't have a direct quote - but you have third hand information - you can turn it into a quote as long as you don't change the meaning of what the person said at the time
Hi Buddhi - we're just talking about Niloo's intro
10:42 AM niloopafernando: meaning, is it ethical
laurastorr2: Niloo - can you write the next sentence - and I'll show Buddhi the comments I made on the blog niloopafernando: o.k.
10:45 AM laurastorr2: Obviously its always better to have direct quotes - but often international staff come back from the field and give me their notes. It will say something like this - Mohammed sat with his daughter in front of him and said he was frightened during the flood and had to climb on top of his house with his family and wait for it to go down.
I use this in the following way: "I was very frightened when the flood came" said Mohammed, holding his daughter closely in front of him. "We had to climb on top of our house and wait for the water to go down". Do you see?
buddhi.dissanayake@gmail.com has left
10:46 AM niloopafernando: yes.
laurastorr2: Hi Buddhi - I put some comments on your assignment yesterday - did you see them?
10:47 AM niloopafernando: i think she is gone offline
laurastorr2: Oh dear - buddhi seems to be offline
10:49 AM Ok - I think she is too busy to join us. I will do a separate session with her maybe next week. How are you getting on with writing the next paragraph? What do you think should come next? And why?
10:50 AM niloopafernando: there is this other quote, this is often a frustratine state of affairs for a man like Manual ( meaning becuase he was in a camp)
10:51 AM who used to earn around 30,000 ruppes from fishing and cultivation to provide for his large family maybe i can use it like this
10:52 AM laurastorr2: Ok - so try turning that into a direct quote instead of saying it in the third person - this will make the reader care more about Manuel and draw them in. Can you try and adapt it - similar to what I did above with the flood?
niloopafernando: " It was frustrating for me as i used to earn around 30,000 ruppes from fishing and cultivation to provide for his large family
10:53 AM sorry!! to provide for my large family.
10:54 AM laurastorr2: This is good - but I want to teach you another trick about including quotes. It's great for someone to start speaking, but even if you've only talked about one person in the story - the reader still wonders who is speaking. It is always good to write a bit of the quote - then break it to say, said Manuel and then carry on with the rest of the quote. Can you try this?
10:56 AM niloopafernando: "It was frustrating for me," said Manual . "I used to earn around 30,000 rupees a month from fishing and cultivating."
10:57 AM laurastorr2: Yes great - this is already much better - but I want to know more. He used to earn that - what is happening now? Add on something about how he finds it hard to provide for this family now he is living in the camp. Or how its difficult to get work
10:59 AM niloopafernando: Manual and his fmaily have been shifted from place to placecarrying only a handful of belongings; depending on the kindess and suport of friends and Caritas Valuvuthayam. i have to look for the original story. i cant remebr what he is doibng now
11:00 AM laurastorr2: Don't worry - this will be your assignment anyway - so you can do it later. niloopafernando: o..k. thanks. so do we stop our training from here
11:01 AM laurastorr2: I want to teach you another trick about using direct quotes. If possible its always good to place that person somewhere - where are they when they are saying this, what are they doing? This is much easier when you do the interview yourself , but its possible to do it even with second hand stories.
niloopafernando: o.k. i get it
11:02 AM laurastorr2: For example: "It is frustrating for me," said Manuel, sitting outside his makeshift shelter in XXXX camp. "I used to earn 30,000 rupees from fishing and cultivation, but now I'm struggling to make ends meet."
11:03 AM niloopafernando: add more description as to the location and his appearance so that the reader can have a mental picture, right?
11:04 AM laurastorr2: You can use lots of things - you can use family relationships "holding his son on his knee", you can use work if its relevant - "he says, as he mends his fishing net", or if the quote is very emotional "he said, looking down at the ground".
11:05 AM Yes - exactly - but by putting this into the quote - instead of in a separate sentence - it feels natural - not like you're deliberately doing it - but that the person is there talking to Manuel too But you can put it in a separate sentence too - you can try both. Do you want to stop the training now? I can carry on for a bit - or we can stop - whatever is good for you
11:07 AM niloopafernando: maybe a lil bit more. sorry i had to go downstairs give me a minute til i read what you have written
laurastorr2: Fine no worries
11:08 AM niloopafernando: o..k. read it i understand. this tips are really good.
11:09 AM laurastorr2: As we're on description - if you have space its really good to describe the place where the story is taking place. For example - describe the camp?
11:10 AM niloopafernando: the size, how the tent looks etc.,?
laurastorr2: Or Manuel's shelter...this is hard if you haven't been there - but might be possible especially if you have pictures - or have been to similar camps in the past
11:11 AM niloopafernando: yes
11:13 AM laurastorr2: Yes. I'll give you an example: Dust swirls off the ground in XXX camp that is home to 2,000 people. Blue pastic tarpaulin flaps slightly in the breeze, making small thudding noises against the palm leaf shacks.
11:14 AM Or even better: Dust swirls off the ground in XXX camp, in Vanni that is now home to more than 2,000 people forced to flee their homes because of Sri Lanka's ongoing conflict. niloopafernando: yeah, i think the earlier one has too many adjectives, i thought.
11:15 AM but i gues its good for a feature story
laurastorr2: Yes - it just depends on what you are writing the story for. You wouldn't put all this description in a news story for example - then you just give the facts - but the type of stories we often need to tell are better for features - because they're not actually news.
11:16 AM niloopafernando: yes iagree
11:17 AM laurastorr2: In a feature story you could even start the story with this type of atmospheric description. Personally I love to use loads of adjectives - they help describe all sorts of things. When you're trying to do descriptive writing think of the five senses: sight, sound, smell, touch (and taste - although we use this less!)
11:18 AM If you are on a trip - write down observations on all these things - what does it look like - write down details because you will forget them later, but don't forget the other senses too - are there any sounds, smells? This all helps to paint a picture
11:19 AM niloopafernando: maybe its my style of writing, the amount of adjectives i use is less, because i was taught in advertising, during my copy writing days, less adjectives. but i guess stories like this have to be included. Laura, i really have to go now. Is it o.k.
laurastorr2: Yes fine - I'll just set you your assignment for next time.
11:20 AM niloopafernando: thanks o.k. i think we need to save a copy of this for Buddhi too
laurastorr2: 1. Re-write you intro and continue to write another few paragraphs - including personal quotes and how Caritas is helping.
11:21 AM niloopafernando: o.k. whenis the next day
laurastorr2: 2. Write another type of intro - for more of a feature story. Try to build atmosphere and use descriptive language so the reader feels like they are in the room with you.
niloopafernando: o.k. will give it a shot
laurastorr2: 3. Look for examples of descriptive writing and post them on the blog - why do you like them? Notice which sense they use - sight, sounds, smell?
11:22 AM I have done quite a few descriptive pieces, so I'll post them on the blog too. When do you want to do the next workshop? How does 2 weeks sound? I can do 25/26 June?
11:23 AM niloopafernando: or fine o.k. fine
11:24 AM laurastorr2: Which day do you prefer? niloopafernando: both are o.k. for me for the moment. but lets put 25th
laurastorr2: Ok - will put it in my diary. 10am Uk Time. 2.30pm Sri Lanka time. see you then. I'll save this and post it on the blog for Buddhi
11:25 AM niloopafernando: thank. i think i need it too as i cant remember all the assignments. thanks again, laura
laurastorr2: Thanks for your participation! Bye for now
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Assignment 2 - May 14th 2008
Assignment 2 A - Good introductions in websites - By Niloopa
1. A storm was brewing and there was a roll of thunder. Farah - a four-year-old Iraqi girl now living in Lexington, Kentucky - urgently asked her mother, "Was that a bomb?" Farah and her brother Bashar - who is nearly two - used to live in Baghdad with their parents Haithem and Ethar. - http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7397825.stm
o It’s a strong opening paragraph because the introduction begins with a small story . It makes the reader read on. The reader can expect something more interesting to happen
o Because it is a commonly talk about topic – war on terrorism, Iraq and America.
2. Local Catholic church partners of Caritas Internationalis have begun delivering aid to the people of Myanmar following the devastation caused by Cyclone Nagris
Local church partners in Myanmar are providing food and other aid items to 10,000 people in Yangon and Irrawaddy, with numbers expected to rise to 40,000 people receiving support by Wednesday. – www.cafod.org.uk
o Its strong because its timely and informative
o It’s a strong opening paragraph because the introduction begins with a small story . It makes the reader read on. The reader can expect something more interesting to happen
o Because it is a commonly talk about topic – war on terrorism, Iraq and America.
2. Local Catholic church partners of Caritas Internationalis have begun delivering aid to the people of Myanmar following the devastation caused by Cyclone Nagris
Local church partners in Myanmar are providing food and other aid items to 10,000 people in Yangon and Irrawaddy, with numbers expected to rise to 40,000 people receiving support by Wednesday. – www.cafod.org.uk
o Its strong because its timely and informative
Assignment 2 - 14th May 2008
Attached herewith is the assignment 2b by Niloopa - for 14th May 2008
Introduction to a story - Caritas Sri LAnka March April newsletter 2008
People - Images - life in the Vanni
Manuel Thevarajah is from Vanni and is the father of six and at the age of forty seven, he has had to give up his home and his means of livelihood due to the unstable situation in the country. This is often a frustrating state of affairs for a man like Manuel who earned well and provided for his large family while living in the village of Mullikulam.
Introduction to a story - Caritas Sri LAnka March April newsletter 2008
People - Images - life in the Vanni
Manuel Thevarajah is from Vanni and is the father of six and at the age of forty seven, he has had to give up his home and his means of livelihood due to the unstable situation in the country. This is often a frustrating state of affairs for a man like Manuel who earned well and provided for his large family while living in the village of Mullikulam.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Assignment No 02
Introduction to a Story:
Saman Pryankara was awarded as the best small industry owner of the Central Province in the year 2008 who is a beneficiary and a member of Setik Human Rights victims committee.
Saman Pryankara was awarded as the best small industry owner of the Central Province in the year 2008 who is a beneficiary and a member of Setik Human Rights victims committee.
Assignment: No 01
Playgroups 'cut leukaemia risk'
Children who attend daycare or playgroups cut their risk of the most common type of childhood leukaemia by around 30%, a study estimates.
BBC news
Why I do like: This theme is very important in the present context. It encourage readers to read on to know more details about cutting the risk of leukaemia. Though this doesn’t indicate when it is common and important forever.
Family killed during raid in Gaza
Israelis and Palestinians have blamed each other for an explosion that killed a mother and her four children in Gaza
BBC
Why I do like: Though this story is regarding the war situation of two countries it highlight an incident of a mother and four children of her own. Readers will read on to know more details about the incident since the story shows that this is a very tragic story from the first sentence. And also the words used by the author is very effective.
Sponsorship Changes Two Lives
My experience as a Save the Children sponsor has truly changed my life, in that it has become part of my overall identity. In the end, I’m not sure who has grown more from the experience – my sponsored children or myself.
Save the children
Why I do like: The author used very simple language and it makes the readers more intresting to read. Also from the first sentence it shows that this is a very exciting story. As this is an experience of a woman she herself is telling the story. It is more effective and used more quotes in it.
Children who attend daycare or playgroups cut their risk of the most common type of childhood leukaemia by around 30%, a study estimates.
BBC news
Why I do like: This theme is very important in the present context. It encourage readers to read on to know more details about cutting the risk of leukaemia. Though this doesn’t indicate when it is common and important forever.
Family killed during raid in Gaza
Israelis and Palestinians have blamed each other for an explosion that killed a mother and her four children in Gaza
BBC
Why I do like: Though this story is regarding the war situation of two countries it highlight an incident of a mother and four children of her own. Readers will read on to know more details about the incident since the story shows that this is a very tragic story from the first sentence. And also the words used by the author is very effective.
Sponsorship Changes Two Lives
My experience as a Save the Children sponsor has truly changed my life, in that it has become part of my overall identity. In the end, I’m not sure who has grown more from the experience – my sponsored children or myself.
Save the children
Why I do like: The author used very simple language and it makes the readers more intresting to read. Also from the first sentence it shows that this is a very exciting story. As this is an experience of a woman she herself is telling the story. It is more effective and used more quotes in it.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Training session on intros: 16 April 2008
10:06 AM laurastorr2: Hi Niloo - are you there - I've worked it out
10:07 AM Either google has updated its pages or internet explorer 7 has affected it - but looks like I can still get on
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10:08 AM niloopafernando: hi im in
10:09 AM laurastorr2: Great - I haven't had time to read your story yet as I only just got into the office - problems on transport - I will quickly read it now
10:12 AM Not sure where buddhi is but we can start if you like
10:13 AM Ok - Niloo I've had a quick read. The language is much better - you are using very simple language which is great and its much clearer
10:14 AM But there are still some problems with the structure. It reads more like a history than anything else.
I want you to think of the main thing you are trying to say with this story and write it in one sentence - can you do that now
10:17 AM Hi NIloo - just checking you are still there?
niloopafernando: yes
sorry was out for a lil
10:18 AM laurastorr2: I can't get hold of Buddhi - she is now 20 mintues late so I think we'll have to do the session alone
10:19 AM I've just found her - she is coming in
10:20 AM niloopafernando: o.k.
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10:21 AM niloopafernando: just have to meet with the manager for a sec. will come as quickly as possible
buddhi.dissanayake: I joined you Laura am I with you all
10:22 AM laurastorr2: Oh dear - this is a bit tricky as Niloo keeps having to leave - Buddhi lets carry on
buddhi.dissanayake: Ya I am ready
10:23 AM laurastorr2: Ok buddhi - I'm going to focus on the beginning of your story. It's a definite improvement - you have brought the most interesting thing to the top but its still a bit clumsy
Intros are really important - it has to be snappy and interest the read and make them want to read on - so think about the following
What are you really trying to say?
10:24 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Nice to hear that I have improved a bit. Will you explain the word "clumsy" please
laurastorr2: How would you explain it to your mum or a friend in a short sentence?
What is the single message you are trying to convey?
Can you make it shorter?
10:25 AM buddhi.dissanayake: I want to focus on the improvement of the case. I mean this case was taken to the high court very soon comparing to the others. As well as I want to show the courage of the victim to face the courts
10:28 AM laurastorr2: Ok sorry - clumsy just means its not quite clear enough - starting with a quote is fine but it needs to be really strong - I think starting with a quote that talks about someone else - in this case "a young girl" immediately detaches the reader from what's happened. It would be much stronger if the quote was from the girl herself. Something like "I was walking home one night when a man came up behind me and dragged me to the side of the road" explained 19-year-old Mary who was raped near her home in Colombo.
10:29 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Normally in Sri Lanka rape cases take a long time to drug into the High court. But this case was taken very soon. Now this girl is facing to the courts without any fear. That is mainly becuase she knows that the Setik is always with her and she is enouraged by our lawyers and counsellors.
10:30 AM laurastorr2: Ok - so what do you think the most interesting thing about this story - is it that the case was taken to court quickly?
buddhi.dissanayake: Oh yah I got what you have explained. Understood thanks
niloopafernando: im sorry there is this communicator trying to come to SL on the 19th. I am trying to coordinate with the diocese.
10:31 AM laurastorr2: Ok - I want you to write a new intro sentence now - think of what the main message is of the story and write it in one sentence. NIloo - you can do it too either for Buddhi's story or for your own. I want the sentence to make me want to read on....
buddhi.dissanayake: Yes I belive it is mainly because of the Setik HR unit's involvement
10:32 AM laurastorr2: NIloo - no worries - lets just do what we can
10:33 AM Would it help if we looked at some examples - I can show you some on bbc online or on the CAFOD website - let me know
10:35 AM buddhi.dissanayake: "Dilrukshi's rape case was taken to the high court within a very short period" said Mr. Asela Bandara explaining the Setik HR work
10:36 AM I prepared the starting sentence focusing on the importance of the Setik HR unit. I think it will make me easier to talk about Cafod's involvement in this regard. Am I correct. Any comments please
laurastorr2: Ok buddhi - this is a bit tricky but here goes
10:38 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Actually I didn't have a clear idea whether to focus on the victim or Setik HR work. Now I got it
laurastorr2: Personally I think the most interesting thing about this story is that the girl was raped in the first place - so I think its better to focus on that - you can then explain in the second sentence that because of Setik HR the case was taken to court quickly
10:39 AM Let me tell you something important about news writing - its called the 5 Ws. You should try and get the following near the top of the story:
Who - who are we talking about? In this case 19-year-old Dilrukshi
10:40 AM Where - where is this taking place - a place in Colombo - which place? If you are writing for UK they may not know that Kandy is in central Sri Lanka - or that Batticaloa is in the east so it might be better to say central Sri Lanka rather than Kandy for example
10:42 AM When - when did this happen? This matters more when its a news story that happened recently - rather than something that happened a few years ago - for example - last night, today, last week. However - if it was 6 months ago I would probably leave the exact when out as it makes it look too old. However - in the middle of the night - is important information
What - what has happened - Dilrukshi was raped
10:43 AM Why? This is something you would explore later in the story. In this case its not why was she raped necessarily - but why are you telling the story? This is when Setik HR would come in - you are telling the story because Setik HR has helped this girl and taken her case to court in a short time
10:45 AM Hi Niloo - are you there? I can't work it out - let me know I don't want to ignore you!
10:46 AM buddhi.dissanayake: When we are writing a story using this 5Ws do you think we should use them in order....... Who, where, when what and why or can we use them where necessary
10:47 AM laurastorr2: No - the order doesn't matter - just try to get Who, when, where, what into the first sentence where possible. The why can normally wait until a bit later. The order doesn't matter - whatever comes naturally
Can you try writing the first sentence again thinking about the 5Ws
10:48 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Ok give me a moment
laurastorr2: Niloo - let me know if you're there - I'm assuming you aren't
10:51 AM buddhi.dissanayake: "On 14th mid night I was raped on the public road" said 19 year old Dilrukshi who lives in the Central Sri Lanka". (Here I use on 14th night without mentioning the year of the case as you told earlier this case was very old.
10:52 AM Niloo we two are looking for you. Are you there?
10:54 AM laurastorr2: Ok - this is much better. You have all 4Ws well done. Lets be less specific about the time though. A 19-year-old girl, who was raped on a public road in central Sri Lanka has had her case brought to court with the help of Setik HR.
10:57 AM When you are writing a news story (using the 5Ws - it is best not to use a quote in the first sentenc). We will talk about how to use quotes in another session. If you look at the sentence above I have included Who, what, where and why (we are telling the story). I have not included when. I don' t think this is a big deal in this case but I could include it easily without being specific about the timing can you see how?
I think this first sentence could be improved slightly as we don't need to say the road is public - aren't most roads public?
11:01 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Yes got it. I always try to use quotes because I feel that makes the story more intresting. I agree with you , with your example clearly you have included who where and what without using quotes. I learnt it
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11:02 AM laurastorr2: OK - this is good. Quotes are really important as you say - and sometimes you can use a quote as the first sentence - especially in a feature - but it needs to be really strong
buddhi.dissanayake: I can see that Niloo is still online and with us but no idea why is she silence
laurastorr2: Niloo - I see you are back, but we are at the end of our session - do you want to carry on for a bit longer?
11:03 AM Buddhi - how are you for time?
11:04 AM buddhi.dissanayake: I can be with you for another 15 minutes. I think I learnt how to start a story very well today and well understood.
11:05 AM niloopafernando: o.k. i can be i another 5 mins
i just have to get this letter approved to be sent to patrick
11:06 AM laurastorr2: Ok - not sure what's happened to Niloo as you say. Let's look at some other intros on bbc website so you get the idea http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7349955.stm
buddhi.dissanayake: Laura what about you with the time. It seems that Niloo is quite busy today with her work
laurastorr2: I can go for another 10 minutes or so - we started a bit late.
11:07 AM Is there another story you are working on at the moment - that you can write an intro for?
buddhi.dissanayake: Do you want me to look at the link you sent just now or can I look at it later on
11:08 AM laurastorr2: I think it will be useful for you to look at lots of intros between now and the next session - good websites to check are bbc - particularly for news stories. YOu can also check the CAFOD website www.cafod.org.uk and other charities. I want you to pick out the best intros, post them on the blog and tell me why you think they are a good intro
11:09 AM There are probably some sri lankan sites you can also look at - would be interesting for me to see how stories are written there - but I'm afraid they would need to be in English
buddhi.dissanayake: I haven't at the moment. As the Cafod is funding for us with our HR work I think I need to find a story from the HR unit. I think for the next session I will be able to find an intresting story. Niloo is having different stories as sedec has different projects with Cafod. But I have to quote one from HR work
11:10 AM laurastorr2: I think for the purposes of this training you can use other case studies - obviously it will be great if we can use stories that CAFOD funds. However, it will be good to have different stories so we can practice
11:12 AM buddhi.dissanayake: I saw steve asked us to save this live chat. He pasted our last discussion into our blog and it is very much important to look back. Do you know how to do that?
laurastorr2: I think you just cut and paste the text - don't worry I will do it
Are you ready to go now? I don't want to keep you from your work
11:14 AM buddhi.dissanayake: I can then use different case studies. I will try to use a case with Cafod project. Incase if couldn't find any I will get back to you with another intresting story. What about the dates and time for the next session?
11:16 AM niloopafernando: im in
laurastorr2: Not sure - as niloo isn't here its difficult to arrange now. I will email you both and tell you your assignments again. But it will focus on intros I think. I think this session has still been useful though. Shall we sign off now?
niloopafernando: are you free to do it now
buddhi.dissanayake: Niloo is with us now
laurastorr2: Ok - tell me when you would like to arrange the next session?
11:17 AM Assignment for next week:
Oh dear - I'm trying to cut and paste text and I can't - does anyone have any idea how to save this?
buddhi.dissanayake: What is the assignment for the next week.
11:19 AM Last time I also tried to cut it and paste it and I ased steve then he said he will do that but he didn't explain me how to do that. May be Niloos has any ideas,
niloopafernando: i am also tying to cut and paste
i think there is a option to mail the article
11:20 AM laurastorr2: Assignment for next time is in two parts: Look at lots of different intros on websites - you can check bbc news, CAFOD website, other charity websites - Christian Aid, Save the Children, Oxfam and any sri lankan websites you think are good. I want you to pick out 3/4 intros that you think are really, really good and encourage you to read on. Post them on the blog - and say why you think they're strong. They can be different types if you want - some straight forward "news" ones with 4 or 5Ws. Some starting with a description. Some starting with a quote?
11:21 AM niloopafernando: o.k. will do that. vil you be able to comment on my story later,
laurastorr2: The second part is: I want you to write an intro for a story you are working on, or have worked on recently. It must be one sentence - and it needs to convey the main message you are trying to tell your reader. Think about the 5Ws - but remember you don' t necessarily have to get them all in. Put this up on the blog too.
11:22 AM niloopafernando@gmail.com has left
11:23 AM laurastorr2: HI Niloo - I can do some more detailed comment on your story - but as I said before it reads a bit like a history - this happened, then this happened, then this happened. The language is great - really clear - but we need to work on structure. I think we need to focus on some specific bits of writing - like writing intros, how to use quotes, what language to use, how to create pace etc.
But I will comment on both your pieces in more detail and post my comments on the blog - is this ok?
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niloopafernando: sorry i lost you
11:24 AM laurastorr2: Are you both clear what to do for next time?
niloopafernando: hi i am lost i think
11:25 AM are you there
laurastorr2: Hello - I am here - can you hear/see me?
buddhi.dissanayake: Yes. got it I have written down a bit coz still nobody is able to cut this page and paste on in our blog
niloopafernando: yes
laurastorr2: I will leave it open and try to contact steve to ask him. He is on his blackberry
niloopafernando: no
11:26 AM laurastorr2: Niloo - I don't understand you sorry
buddhi.dissanayake: That is better for us to have a look later
niloopafernando: buddhi can you send me the assignments again.
i lost the previous chats
i think steve is not online on black berry
11:27 AM laurastorr2: Oh dear - I need to cut and paste it. I will send it to your email address is that ok?
niloopafernando: o.k.
thanks
buddhi.dissanayake: Ok Niloo I will I have written down a summary on the assingnment since we couldn't copy this page
niloopafernando: o.k. thanks, email when you can
laurastorr2: Ok - what about a date for next time - do you have a suggestion?
11:28 AM niloopafernando: why dont you suggest
buddhi.dissanayake: I belive We need some time to do the assignment
laurastorr2: ok just need to look at my calender hang on a mo
11:29 AM Ok - what about 30 April or 2 May. The same time as today - 10am UK time - I've forgotten the Sri Lankan time difference?
11:30 AM I think if possible lets to 1.5 hours - as 1 hour is not enough when we have to allow for technical difficulties
11:31 AM niloopafernando: both days not o.k. as i am going on annual leave. My wedding is on 3rd may. I wont be back till 12th may
buddhi.dissanayake: 2nd May is fine for me since our monthly evaluation is going to be on 30th April
laurastorr2: Wow - congratulations! I am also getting married this year - but not till 3 May. Will look for a time later - hang on
11:32 AM niloopafernando: congrats to you too.
buddhi.dissanayake: Oh..Congratulations for your new life
laurastorr2: I meant - not till 4 October sorry
buddhi.dissanayake: Oh Laura for you too Congrats
laurastorr2: Anyway - back to the training. How about 14/15 May 10am Uk time
11:33 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Both dates are ok for me for the moment
11:34 AM laurastorr2: Hi guys - I really need to go to the loo back in a mo
niloopafernando: me too
11:35 AM 14 or the 15th
11:36 AM laurastorr2: Ok - lets say 14 May then 10-11.30am Uk time
buddhi.dissanayake: Ok done
laurastorr2: Ok - i'm off now then
11:37 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Ok Laura thanks bye. Bye Niloo
niloopafernando: bye
laurastorr2: Bye
11:39 AM niloopafernando: buddhi you can send me assignment , no?
buddhi.dissanayake: Ok give me a moment
11:41 AM niloopafernando: just email
11:42 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Ok I will sent it to your g.mail account
10:07 AM Either google has updated its pages or internet explorer 7 has affected it - but looks like I can still get on
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10:08 AM niloopafernando: hi im in
10:09 AM laurastorr2: Great - I haven't had time to read your story yet as I only just got into the office - problems on transport - I will quickly read it now
10:12 AM Not sure where buddhi is but we can start if you like
10:13 AM Ok - Niloo I've had a quick read. The language is much better - you are using very simple language which is great and its much clearer
10:14 AM But there are still some problems with the structure. It reads more like a history than anything else.
I want you to think of the main thing you are trying to say with this story and write it in one sentence - can you do that now
10:17 AM Hi NIloo - just checking you are still there?
niloopafernando: yes
sorry was out for a lil
10:18 AM laurastorr2: I can't get hold of Buddhi - she is now 20 mintues late so I think we'll have to do the session alone
10:19 AM I've just found her - she is coming in
10:20 AM niloopafernando: o.k.
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10:21 AM niloopafernando: just have to meet with the manager for a sec. will come as quickly as possible
buddhi.dissanayake: I joined you Laura am I with you all
10:22 AM laurastorr2: Oh dear - this is a bit tricky as Niloo keeps having to leave - Buddhi lets carry on
buddhi.dissanayake: Ya I am ready
10:23 AM laurastorr2: Ok buddhi - I'm going to focus on the beginning of your story. It's a definite improvement - you have brought the most interesting thing to the top but its still a bit clumsy
Intros are really important - it has to be snappy and interest the read and make them want to read on - so think about the following
What are you really trying to say?
10:24 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Nice to hear that I have improved a bit. Will you explain the word "clumsy" please
laurastorr2: How would you explain it to your mum or a friend in a short sentence?
What is the single message you are trying to convey?
Can you make it shorter?
10:25 AM buddhi.dissanayake: I want to focus on the improvement of the case. I mean this case was taken to the high court very soon comparing to the others. As well as I want to show the courage of the victim to face the courts
10:28 AM laurastorr2: Ok sorry - clumsy just means its not quite clear enough - starting with a quote is fine but it needs to be really strong - I think starting with a quote that talks about someone else - in this case "a young girl" immediately detaches the reader from what's happened. It would be much stronger if the quote was from the girl herself. Something like "I was walking home one night when a man came up behind me and dragged me to the side of the road" explained 19-year-old Mary who was raped near her home in Colombo.
10:29 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Normally in Sri Lanka rape cases take a long time to drug into the High court. But this case was taken very soon. Now this girl is facing to the courts without any fear. That is mainly becuase she knows that the Setik is always with her and she is enouraged by our lawyers and counsellors.
10:30 AM laurastorr2: Ok - so what do you think the most interesting thing about this story - is it that the case was taken to court quickly?
buddhi.dissanayake: Oh yah I got what you have explained. Understood thanks
niloopafernando: im sorry there is this communicator trying to come to SL on the 19th. I am trying to coordinate with the diocese.
10:31 AM laurastorr2: Ok - I want you to write a new intro sentence now - think of what the main message is of the story and write it in one sentence. NIloo - you can do it too either for Buddhi's story or for your own. I want the sentence to make me want to read on....
buddhi.dissanayake: Yes I belive it is mainly because of the Setik HR unit's involvement
10:32 AM laurastorr2: NIloo - no worries - lets just do what we can
10:33 AM Would it help if we looked at some examples - I can show you some on bbc online or on the CAFOD website - let me know
10:35 AM buddhi.dissanayake: "Dilrukshi's rape case was taken to the high court within a very short period" said Mr. Asela Bandara explaining the Setik HR work
10:36 AM I prepared the starting sentence focusing on the importance of the Setik HR unit. I think it will make me easier to talk about Cafod's involvement in this regard. Am I correct. Any comments please
laurastorr2: Ok buddhi - this is a bit tricky but here goes
10:38 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Actually I didn't have a clear idea whether to focus on the victim or Setik HR work. Now I got it
laurastorr2: Personally I think the most interesting thing about this story is that the girl was raped in the first place - so I think its better to focus on that - you can then explain in the second sentence that because of Setik HR the case was taken to court quickly
10:39 AM Let me tell you something important about news writing - its called the 5 Ws. You should try and get the following near the top of the story:
Who - who are we talking about? In this case 19-year-old Dilrukshi
10:40 AM Where - where is this taking place - a place in Colombo - which place? If you are writing for UK they may not know that Kandy is in central Sri Lanka - or that Batticaloa is in the east so it might be better to say central Sri Lanka rather than Kandy for example
10:42 AM When - when did this happen? This matters more when its a news story that happened recently - rather than something that happened a few years ago - for example - last night, today, last week. However - if it was 6 months ago I would probably leave the exact when out as it makes it look too old. However - in the middle of the night - is important information
What - what has happened - Dilrukshi was raped
10:43 AM Why? This is something you would explore later in the story. In this case its not why was she raped necessarily - but why are you telling the story? This is when Setik HR would come in - you are telling the story because Setik HR has helped this girl and taken her case to court in a short time
10:45 AM Hi Niloo - are you there? I can't work it out - let me know I don't want to ignore you!
10:46 AM buddhi.dissanayake: When we are writing a story using this 5Ws do you think we should use them in order....... Who, where, when what and why or can we use them where necessary
10:47 AM laurastorr2: No - the order doesn't matter - just try to get Who, when, where, what into the first sentence where possible. The why can normally wait until a bit later. The order doesn't matter - whatever comes naturally
Can you try writing the first sentence again thinking about the 5Ws
10:48 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Ok give me a moment
laurastorr2: Niloo - let me know if you're there - I'm assuming you aren't
10:51 AM buddhi.dissanayake: "On 14th mid night I was raped on the public road" said 19 year old Dilrukshi who lives in the Central Sri Lanka". (Here I use on 14th night without mentioning the year of the case as you told earlier this case was very old.
10:52 AM Niloo we two are looking for you. Are you there?
10:54 AM laurastorr2: Ok - this is much better. You have all 4Ws well done. Lets be less specific about the time though. A 19-year-old girl, who was raped on a public road in central Sri Lanka has had her case brought to court with the help of Setik HR.
10:57 AM When you are writing a news story (using the 5Ws - it is best not to use a quote in the first sentenc). We will talk about how to use quotes in another session. If you look at the sentence above I have included Who, what, where and why (we are telling the story). I have not included when. I don' t think this is a big deal in this case but I could include it easily without being specific about the timing can you see how?
I think this first sentence could be improved slightly as we don't need to say the road is public - aren't most roads public?
11:01 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Yes got it. I always try to use quotes because I feel that makes the story more intresting. I agree with you , with your example clearly you have included who where and what without using quotes. I learnt it
niloopafernando@gmail.com has left
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11:02 AM laurastorr2: OK - this is good. Quotes are really important as you say - and sometimes you can use a quote as the first sentence - especially in a feature - but it needs to be really strong
buddhi.dissanayake: I can see that Niloo is still online and with us but no idea why is she silence
laurastorr2: Niloo - I see you are back, but we are at the end of our session - do you want to carry on for a bit longer?
11:03 AM Buddhi - how are you for time?
11:04 AM buddhi.dissanayake: I can be with you for another 15 minutes. I think I learnt how to start a story very well today and well understood.
11:05 AM niloopafernando: o.k. i can be i another 5 mins
i just have to get this letter approved to be sent to patrick
11:06 AM laurastorr2: Ok - not sure what's happened to Niloo as you say. Let's look at some other intros on bbc website so you get the idea http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7349955.stm
buddhi.dissanayake: Laura what about you with the time. It seems that Niloo is quite busy today with her work
laurastorr2: I can go for another 10 minutes or so - we started a bit late.
11:07 AM Is there another story you are working on at the moment - that you can write an intro for?
buddhi.dissanayake: Do you want me to look at the link you sent just now or can I look at it later on
11:08 AM laurastorr2: I think it will be useful for you to look at lots of intros between now and the next session - good websites to check are bbc - particularly for news stories. YOu can also check the CAFOD website www.cafod.org.uk and other charities. I want you to pick out the best intros, post them on the blog and tell me why you think they are a good intro
11:09 AM There are probably some sri lankan sites you can also look at - would be interesting for me to see how stories are written there - but I'm afraid they would need to be in English
buddhi.dissanayake: I haven't at the moment. As the Cafod is funding for us with our HR work I think I need to find a story from the HR unit. I think for the next session I will be able to find an intresting story. Niloo is having different stories as sedec has different projects with Cafod. But I have to quote one from HR work
11:10 AM laurastorr2: I think for the purposes of this training you can use other case studies - obviously it will be great if we can use stories that CAFOD funds. However, it will be good to have different stories so we can practice
11:12 AM buddhi.dissanayake: I saw steve asked us to save this live chat. He pasted our last discussion into our blog and it is very much important to look back. Do you know how to do that?
laurastorr2: I think you just cut and paste the text - don't worry I will do it
Are you ready to go now? I don't want to keep you from your work
11:14 AM buddhi.dissanayake: I can then use different case studies. I will try to use a case with Cafod project. Incase if couldn't find any I will get back to you with another intresting story. What about the dates and time for the next session?
11:16 AM niloopafernando: im in
laurastorr2: Not sure - as niloo isn't here its difficult to arrange now. I will email you both and tell you your assignments again. But it will focus on intros I think. I think this session has still been useful though. Shall we sign off now?
niloopafernando: are you free to do it now
buddhi.dissanayake: Niloo is with us now
laurastorr2: Ok - tell me when you would like to arrange the next session?
11:17 AM Assignment for next week:
Oh dear - I'm trying to cut and paste text and I can't - does anyone have any idea how to save this?
buddhi.dissanayake: What is the assignment for the next week.
11:19 AM Last time I also tried to cut it and paste it and I ased steve then he said he will do that but he didn't explain me how to do that. May be Niloos has any ideas,
niloopafernando: i am also tying to cut and paste
i think there is a option to mail the article
11:20 AM laurastorr2: Assignment for next time is in two parts: Look at lots of different intros on websites - you can check bbc news, CAFOD website, other charity websites - Christian Aid, Save the Children, Oxfam and any sri lankan websites you think are good. I want you to pick out 3/4 intros that you think are really, really good and encourage you to read on. Post them on the blog - and say why you think they're strong. They can be different types if you want - some straight forward "news" ones with 4 or 5Ws. Some starting with a description. Some starting with a quote?
11:21 AM niloopafernando: o.k. will do that. vil you be able to comment on my story later,
laurastorr2: The second part is: I want you to write an intro for a story you are working on, or have worked on recently. It must be one sentence - and it needs to convey the main message you are trying to tell your reader. Think about the 5Ws - but remember you don' t necessarily have to get them all in. Put this up on the blog too.
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11:23 AM laurastorr2: HI Niloo - I can do some more detailed comment on your story - but as I said before it reads a bit like a history - this happened, then this happened, then this happened. The language is great - really clear - but we need to work on structure. I think we need to focus on some specific bits of writing - like writing intros, how to use quotes, what language to use, how to create pace etc.
But I will comment on both your pieces in more detail and post my comments on the blog - is this ok?
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niloopafernando: sorry i lost you
11:24 AM laurastorr2: Are you both clear what to do for next time?
niloopafernando: hi i am lost i think
11:25 AM are you there
laurastorr2: Hello - I am here - can you hear/see me?
buddhi.dissanayake: Yes. got it I have written down a bit coz still nobody is able to cut this page and paste on in our blog
niloopafernando: yes
laurastorr2: I will leave it open and try to contact steve to ask him. He is on his blackberry
niloopafernando: no
11:26 AM laurastorr2: Niloo - I don't understand you sorry
buddhi.dissanayake: That is better for us to have a look later
niloopafernando: buddhi can you send me the assignments again.
i lost the previous chats
i think steve is not online on black berry
11:27 AM laurastorr2: Oh dear - I need to cut and paste it. I will send it to your email address is that ok?
niloopafernando: o.k.
thanks
buddhi.dissanayake: Ok Niloo I will I have written down a summary on the assingnment since we couldn't copy this page
niloopafernando: o.k. thanks, email when you can
laurastorr2: Ok - what about a date for next time - do you have a suggestion?
11:28 AM niloopafernando: why dont you suggest
buddhi.dissanayake: I belive We need some time to do the assignment
laurastorr2: ok just need to look at my calender hang on a mo
11:29 AM Ok - what about 30 April or 2 May. The same time as today - 10am UK time - I've forgotten the Sri Lankan time difference?
11:30 AM I think if possible lets to 1.5 hours - as 1 hour is not enough when we have to allow for technical difficulties
11:31 AM niloopafernando: both days not o.k. as i am going on annual leave. My wedding is on 3rd may. I wont be back till 12th may
buddhi.dissanayake: 2nd May is fine for me since our monthly evaluation is going to be on 30th April
laurastorr2: Wow - congratulations! I am also getting married this year - but not till 3 May. Will look for a time later - hang on
11:32 AM niloopafernando: congrats to you too.
buddhi.dissanayake: Oh..Congratulations for your new life
laurastorr2: I meant - not till 4 October sorry
buddhi.dissanayake: Oh Laura for you too Congrats
laurastorr2: Anyway - back to the training. How about 14/15 May 10am Uk time
11:33 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Both dates are ok for me for the moment
11:34 AM laurastorr2: Hi guys - I really need to go to the loo back in a mo
niloopafernando: me too
11:35 AM 14 or the 15th
11:36 AM laurastorr2: Ok - lets say 14 May then 10-11.30am Uk time
buddhi.dissanayake: Ok done
laurastorr2: Ok - i'm off now then
11:37 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Ok Laura thanks bye. Bye Niloo
niloopafernando: bye
laurastorr2: Bye
11:39 AM niloopafernando: buddhi you can send me assignment , no?
buddhi.dissanayake: Ok give me a moment
11:41 AM niloopafernando: just email
11:42 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Ok I will sent it to your g.mail account
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