Introduction to a Story: Saman Pryankara was awarded as the best small industry owner of the Central Province in the year 2008 who is a beneficiary and a member of Setik Human Rights victims committee.
Buddhi - its great that you've got the most interesting point at the top of the story - Saman has won an award.
However - in order to make it relevant to Setik - we need to know how they helped him - not just that he's a beneficiary.
I'm not sure how they helped him, but I will make a guess for the purposes of this exercise. Maybe you can rewrite too?
Lets look at the 5ws:
Who: Saman Where: Central province sri lanka What: has recieved an award When: 2008 Why: Because he's a beneficiary of Setik.
The who, where, and what are all great here. In this case - because its happening now, you can write in the present tense, and the reader assumes its immediate. So we can get rid of the when.
Why: We need to get something else in about why he is a member of Setik - what happened to him, what did they do to help him?
I'll have another go at writing it - but I am making up the details so please forgive me!
Saman Pryankara, who's shop was destroyed in a bomb attack last year, has just won the best small industry owner award thanks to the help of Setik.
We can work on this in the workshop - if you let me know the actual details of this case.
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Buddhi - its great that you've got the most interesting point at the top of the story - Saman has won an award.
However - in order to make it relevant to Setik - we need to know how they helped him - not just that he's a beneficiary.
I'm not sure how they helped him, but I will make a guess for the purposes of this exercise. Maybe you can rewrite too?
Lets look at the 5ws:
Who: Saman
Where: Central province sri lanka
What: has recieved an award
When: 2008
Why: Because he's a beneficiary of Setik.
The who, where, and what are all great here. In this case - because its happening now, you can write in the present tense, and the reader assumes its immediate. So we can get rid of the when.
Why: We need to get something else in about why he is a member of Setik - what happened to him, what did they do to help him?
I'll have another go at writing it - but I am making up the details so please forgive me!
Saman Pryankara, who's shop was destroyed in a bomb attack last year, has just won the best small industry owner award thanks to the help of Setik.
We can work on this in the workshop - if you let me know the actual details of this case.
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