Assignment 2 - May 14th 2008

Assignment 2 A - Good introductions in websites - By Niloopa

1. A storm was brewing and there was a roll of thunder. Farah - a four-year-old Iraqi girl now living in Lexington, Kentucky - urgently asked her mother, "Was that a bomb?" Farah and her brother Bashar - who is nearly two - used to live in Baghdad with their parents Haithem and Ethar. - http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7397825.stm
o It’s a strong opening paragraph because the introduction begins with a small story . It makes the reader read on. The reader can expect something more interesting to happen
o Because it is a commonly talk about topic – war on terrorism, Iraq and America.

2. Local Catholic church partners of Caritas Internationalis have begun delivering aid to the people of Myanmar following the devastation caused by Cyclone Nagris
Local church partners in Myanmar are providing food and other aid items to 10,000 people in Yangon and Irrawaddy, with numbers expected to rise to 40,000 people receiving support by Wednesday. – www.cafod.org.uk
o Its strong because its timely and informative

Assignment 2 - 14th May 2008

Attached herewith is the assignment 2b by Niloopa - for 14th May 2008
Introduction to a story - Caritas Sri LAnka March April newsletter 2008

People - Images - life in the Vanni
Manuel Thevarajah is from Vanni and is the father of six and at the age of forty seven, he has had to give up his home and his means of livelihood due to the unstable situation in the country. This is often a frustrating state of affairs for a man like Manuel who earned well and provided for his large family while living in the village of Mullikulam.

Assignment No 02

Introduction to a Story:
Saman Pryankara was awarded as the best small industry owner of the Central Province in the year 2008 who is a beneficiary and a member of Setik Human Rights victims committee.

Assignment: No 01

Playgroups 'cut leukaemia risk'
Children who attend daycare or playgroups cut their risk of the most common type of childhood leukaemia by around 30%, a study estimates.
BBC news
Why I do like: This theme is very important in the present context. It encourage readers to read on to know more details about cutting the risk of leukaemia. Though this doesn’t indicate when it is common and important forever.


Family killed during raid in Gaza
Israelis and Palestinians have blamed each other for an explosion that killed a mother and her four children in Gaza
BBC
Why I do like: Though this story is regarding the war situation of two countries it highlight an incident of a mother and four children of her own. Readers will read on to know more details about the incident since the story shows that this is a very tragic story from the first sentence. And also the words used by the author is very effective.


Sponsorship Changes Two Lives
My experience as a Save the Children sponsor has truly changed my life, in that it has become part of my overall identity. In the end, I’m not sure who has grown more from the experience – my sponsored children or myself.
Save the children
Why I do like: The author used very simple language and it makes the readers more intresting to read. Also from the first sentence it shows that this is a very exciting story. As this is an experience of a woman she herself is telling the story. It is more effective and used more quotes in it.

Training session on intros: 16 April 2008

10:06 AM laurastorr2: Hi Niloo - are you there - I've worked it out
10:07 AM Either google has updated its pages or internet explorer 7 has affected it - but looks like I can still get on
niloopafernando@gmail.com has joined
10:08 AM niloopafernando: hi im in
10:09 AM laurastorr2: Great - I haven't had time to read your story yet as I only just got into the office - problems on transport - I will quickly read it now
10:12 AM Not sure where buddhi is but we can start if you like
10:13 AM Ok - Niloo I've had a quick read. The language is much better - you are using very simple language which is great and its much clearer
10:14 AM But there are still some problems with the structure. It reads more like a history than anything else.
I want you to think of the main thing you are trying to say with this story and write it in one sentence - can you do that now
10:17 AM Hi NIloo - just checking you are still there?
niloopafernando: yes
sorry was out for a lil
10:18 AM laurastorr2: I can't get hold of Buddhi - she is now 20 mintues late so I think we'll have to do the session alone
10:19 AM I've just found her - she is coming in
10:20 AM niloopafernando: o.k.
buddhi.dissanayake@gmail.com has joined
10:21 AM niloopafernando: just have to meet with the manager for a sec. will come as quickly as possible
buddhi.dissanayake: I joined you Laura am I with you all
10:22 AM laurastorr2: Oh dear - this is a bit tricky as Niloo keeps having to leave - Buddhi lets carry on
buddhi.dissanayake: Ya I am ready
10:23 AM laurastorr2: Ok buddhi - I'm going to focus on the beginning of your story. It's a definite improvement - you have brought the most interesting thing to the top but its still a bit clumsy
Intros are really important - it has to be snappy and interest the read and make them want to read on - so think about the following
What are you really trying to say?
10:24 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Nice to hear that I have improved a bit. Will you explain the word "clumsy" please
laurastorr2: How would you explain it to your mum or a friend in a short sentence?
What is the single message you are trying to convey?
Can you make it shorter?
10:25 AM buddhi.dissanayake: I want to focus on the improvement of the case. I mean this case was taken to the high court very soon comparing to the others. As well as I want to show the courage of the victim to face the courts
10:28 AM laurastorr2: Ok sorry - clumsy just means its not quite clear enough - starting with a quote is fine but it needs to be really strong - I think starting with a quote that talks about someone else - in this case "a young girl" immediately detaches the reader from what's happened. It would be much stronger if the quote was from the girl herself. Something like "I was walking home one night when a man came up behind me and dragged me to the side of the road" explained 19-year-old Mary who was raped near her home in Colombo.
10:29 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Normally in Sri Lanka rape cases take a long time to drug into the High court. But this case was taken very soon. Now this girl is facing to the courts without any fear. That is mainly becuase she knows that the Setik is always with her and she is enouraged by our lawyers and counsellors.
10:30 AM laurastorr2: Ok - so what do you think the most interesting thing about this story - is it that the case was taken to court quickly?
buddhi.dissanayake: Oh yah I got what you have explained. Understood thanks
niloopafernando: im sorry there is this communicator trying to come to SL on the 19th. I am trying to coordinate with the diocese.
10:31 AM laurastorr2: Ok - I want you to write a new intro sentence now - think of what the main message is of the story and write it in one sentence. NIloo - you can do it too either for Buddhi's story or for your own. I want the sentence to make me want to read on....
buddhi.dissanayake: Yes I belive it is mainly because of the Setik HR unit's involvement
10:32 AM laurastorr2: NIloo - no worries - lets just do what we can
10:33 AM Would it help if we looked at some examples - I can show you some on bbc online or on the CAFOD website - let me know

10:35 AM buddhi.dissanayake: "Dilrukshi's rape case was taken to the high court within a very short period" said Mr. Asela Bandara explaining the Setik HR work
10:36 AM I prepared the starting sentence focusing on the importance of the Setik HR unit. I think it will make me easier to talk about Cafod's involvement in this regard. Am I correct. Any comments please

laurastorr2: Ok buddhi - this is a bit tricky but here goes

10:38 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Actually I didn't have a clear idea whether to focus on the victim or Setik HR work. Now I got it

laurastorr2: Personally I think the most interesting thing about this story is that the girl was raped in the first place - so I think its better to focus on that - you can then explain in the second sentence that because of Setik HR the case was taken to court quickly

10:39 AM Let me tell you something important about news writing - its called the 5 Ws. You should try and get the following near the top of the story:

Who - who are we talking about? In this case 19-year-old Dilrukshi

10:40 AM Where - where is this taking place - a place in Colombo - which place? If you are writing for UK they may not know that Kandy is in central Sri Lanka - or that Batticaloa is in the east so it might be better to say central Sri Lanka rather than Kandy for example

10:42 AM When - when did this happen? This matters more when its a news story that happened recently - rather than something that happened a few years ago - for example - last night, today, last week. However - if it was 6 months ago I would probably leave the exact when out as it makes it look too old. However - in the middle of the night - is important information

What - what has happened - Dilrukshi was raped

10:43 AM Why? This is something you would explore later in the story. In this case its not why was she raped necessarily - but why are you telling the story? This is when Setik HR would come in - you are telling the story because Setik HR has helped this girl and taken her case to court in a short time

10:45 AM Hi Niloo - are you there? I can't work it out - let me know I don't want to ignore you!
10:46 AM buddhi.dissanayake: When we are writing a story using this 5Ws do you think we should use them in order....... Who, where, when what and why or can we use them where necessary
10:47 AM laurastorr2: No - the order doesn't matter - just try to get Who, when, where, what into the first sentence where possible. The why can normally wait until a bit later. The order doesn't matter - whatever comes naturally
Can you try writing the first sentence again thinking about the 5Ws
10:48 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Ok give me a moment
laurastorr2: Niloo - let me know if you're there - I'm assuming you aren't
10:51 AM buddhi.dissanayake: "On 14th mid night I was raped on the public road" said 19 year old Dilrukshi who lives in the Central Sri Lanka". (Here I use on 14th night without mentioning the year of the case as you told earlier this case was very old.
10:52 AM Niloo we two are looking for you. Are you there?
10:54 AM laurastorr2: Ok - this is much better. You have all 4Ws well done. Lets be less specific about the time though. A 19-year-old girl, who was raped on a public road in central Sri Lanka has had her case brought to court with the help of Setik HR.
10:57 AM When you are writing a news story (using the 5Ws - it is best not to use a quote in the first sentenc). We will talk about how to use quotes in another session. If you look at the sentence above I have included Who, what, where and why (we are telling the story). I have not included when. I don' t think this is a big deal in this case but I could include it easily without being specific about the timing can you see how?
I think this first sentence could be improved slightly as we don't need to say the road is public - aren't most roads public?
11:01 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Yes got it. I always try to use quotes because I feel that makes the story more intresting. I agree with you , with your example clearly you have included who where and what without using quotes. I learnt it
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11:02 AM laurastorr2: OK - this is good. Quotes are really important as you say - and sometimes you can use a quote as the first sentence - especially in a feature - but it needs to be really strong
buddhi.dissanayake: I can see that Niloo is still online and with us but no idea why is she silence
laurastorr2: Niloo - I see you are back, but we are at the end of our session - do you want to carry on for a bit longer?
11:03 AM Buddhi - how are you for time?
11:04 AM buddhi.dissanayake: I can be with you for another 15 minutes. I think I learnt how to start a story very well today and well understood.
11:05 AM niloopafernando: o.k. i can be i another 5 mins
i just have to get this letter approved to be sent to patrick
11:06 AM laurastorr2: Ok - not sure what's happened to Niloo as you say. Let's look at some other intros on bbc website so you get the idea http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7349955.stm
buddhi.dissanayake: Laura what about you with the time. It seems that Niloo is quite busy today with her work
laurastorr2: I can go for another 10 minutes or so - we started a bit late.
11:07 AM Is there another story you are working on at the moment - that you can write an intro for?
buddhi.dissanayake: Do you want me to look at the link you sent just now or can I look at it later on
11:08 AM laurastorr2: I think it will be useful for you to look at lots of intros between now and the next session - good websites to check are bbc - particularly for news stories. YOu can also check the CAFOD website www.cafod.org.uk and other charities. I want you to pick out the best intros, post them on the blog and tell me why you think they are a good intro
11:09 AM There are probably some sri lankan sites you can also look at - would be interesting for me to see how stories are written there - but I'm afraid they would need to be in English
buddhi.dissanayake: I haven't at the moment. As the Cafod is funding for us with our HR work I think I need to find a story from the HR unit. I think for the next session I will be able to find an intresting story. Niloo is having different stories as sedec has different projects with Cafod. But I have to quote one from HR work
11:10 AM laurastorr2: I think for the purposes of this training you can use other case studies - obviously it will be great if we can use stories that CAFOD funds. However, it will be good to have different stories so we can practice
11:12 AM buddhi.dissanayake: I saw steve asked us to save this live chat. He pasted our last discussion into our blog and it is very much important to look back. Do you know how to do that?
laurastorr2: I think you just cut and paste the text - don't worry I will do it
Are you ready to go now? I don't want to keep you from your work
11:14 AM buddhi.dissanayake: I can then use different case studies. I will try to use a case with Cafod project. Incase if couldn't find any I will get back to you with another intresting story. What about the dates and time for the next session?
11:16 AM niloopafernando: im in
laurastorr2: Not sure - as niloo isn't here its difficult to arrange now. I will email you both and tell you your assignments again. But it will focus on intros I think. I think this session has still been useful though. Shall we sign off now?
niloopafernando: are you free to do it now
buddhi.dissanayake: Niloo is with us now
laurastorr2: Ok - tell me when you would like to arrange the next session?
11:17 AM Assignment for next week:
Oh dear - I'm trying to cut and paste text and I can't - does anyone have any idea how to save this?
buddhi.dissanayake: What is the assignment for the next week.
11:19 AM Last time I also tried to cut it and paste it and I ased steve then he said he will do that but he didn't explain me how to do that. May be Niloos has any ideas,
niloopafernando: i am also tying to cut and paste
i think there is a option to mail the article
11:20 AM laurastorr2: Assignment for next time is in two parts: Look at lots of different intros on websites - you can check bbc news, CAFOD website, other charity websites - Christian Aid, Save the Children, Oxfam and any sri lankan websites you think are good. I want you to pick out 3/4 intros that you think are really, really good and encourage you to read on. Post them on the blog - and say why you think they're strong. They can be different types if you want - some straight forward "news" ones with 4 or 5Ws. Some starting with a description. Some starting with a quote?
11:21 AM niloopafernando: o.k. will do that. vil you be able to comment on my story later,
laurastorr2: The second part is: I want you to write an intro for a story you are working on, or have worked on recently. It must be one sentence - and it needs to convey the main message you are trying to tell your reader. Think about the 5Ws - but remember you don' t necessarily have to get them all in. Put this up on the blog too.
11:22 AM niloopafernando@gmail.com has left
11:23 AM laurastorr2: HI Niloo - I can do some more detailed comment on your story - but as I said before it reads a bit like a history - this happened, then this happened, then this happened. The language is great - really clear - but we need to work on structure. I think we need to focus on some specific bits of writing - like writing intros, how to use quotes, what language to use, how to create pace etc.
But I will comment on both your pieces in more detail and post my comments on the blog - is this ok?
niloopafernando@gmail.com has joined
niloopafernando: sorry i lost you
11:24 AM laurastorr2: Are you both clear what to do for next time?
niloopafernando: hi i am lost i think
11:25 AM are you there
laurastorr2: Hello - I am here - can you hear/see me?
buddhi.dissanayake: Yes. got it I have written down a bit coz still nobody is able to cut this page and paste on in our blog
niloopafernando: yes
laurastorr2: I will leave it open and try to contact steve to ask him. He is on his blackberry
niloopafernando: no
11:26 AM laurastorr2: Niloo - I don't understand you sorry
buddhi.dissanayake: That is better for us to have a look later
niloopafernando: buddhi can you send me the assignments again.
i lost the previous chats
i think steve is not online on black berry
11:27 AM laurastorr2: Oh dear - I need to cut and paste it. I will send it to your email address is that ok?
niloopafernando: o.k.
thanks
buddhi.dissanayake: Ok Niloo I will I have written down a summary on the assingnment since we couldn't copy this page
niloopafernando: o.k. thanks, email when you can
laurastorr2: Ok - what about a date for next time - do you have a suggestion?
11:28 AM niloopafernando: why dont you suggest
buddhi.dissanayake: I belive We need some time to do the assignment
laurastorr2: ok just need to look at my calender hang on a mo
11:29 AM Ok - what about 30 April or 2 May. The same time as today - 10am UK time - I've forgotten the Sri Lankan time difference?
11:30 AM I think if possible lets to 1.5 hours - as 1 hour is not enough when we have to allow for technical difficulties
11:31 AM niloopafernando: both days not o.k. as i am going on annual leave. My wedding is on 3rd may. I wont be back till 12th may
buddhi.dissanayake: 2nd May is fine for me since our monthly evaluation is going to be on 30th April
laurastorr2: Wow - congratulations! I am also getting married this year - but not till 3 May. Will look for a time later - hang on
11:32 AM niloopafernando: congrats to you too.
buddhi.dissanayake: Oh..Congratulations for your new life
laurastorr2: I meant - not till 4 October sorry
buddhi.dissanayake: Oh Laura for you too Congrats
laurastorr2: Anyway - back to the training. How about 14/15 May 10am Uk time
11:33 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Both dates are ok for me for the moment
11:34 AM laurastorr2: Hi guys - I really need to go to the loo back in a mo
niloopafernando: me too
11:35 AM 14 or the 15th
11:36 AM laurastorr2: Ok - lets say 14 May then 10-11.30am Uk time
buddhi.dissanayake: Ok done
laurastorr2: Ok - i'm off now then
11:37 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Ok Laura thanks bye. Bye Niloo
niloopafernando: bye
laurastorr2: Bye
11:39 AM niloopafernando: buddhi you can send me assignment , no?
buddhi.dissanayake: Ok give me a moment
11:41 AM niloopafernando: just email
11:42 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Ok I will sent it to your g.mail account

Mrs. Rasa's story edited

EDITED - Lending a helping hand to a hard worker

Ms. Rasa Alatrees is from a very poor fisherman’s family in Periya Kallar. She didn’t go to school because her parents had no money. From the age of 13, the normal school going stage for other children of her age, Rasa began to assist her parents in their family trade of fishing.“ In the mornings I used to take my three brother to the near by school and wait outside the class room for him. It was at this time that I learnt to read and write by observing the class” says Rasa.

At the age of 17 she married a neighbor who was from a very poor family like hers. Rasa’s parents did not even have enough money to give their daughter a dowry. Her husband’s parents had no means to assist him financially either. And so Rasa and her husband had to eke out a living and start their married life without any money.

Rasa and her husband fished in the lagoon after they were married. She used to paddle the boat while her husband handled the fishing net. For Rasa it was no different because this is what she knew to do from the days she and her father went fishing . She and her husband saved some money to build a house, “We managed to safe some money and purchase a piece of land for ourselves. There after we obtained a loan from the village money lender and commenced building our house” she sai.

Ms. Rasa too was a victim of the tsunami.“On 26th December I had come home from Sunday mass carrying my son while my two other children were still in church. Suddenly there was big commotion in the street and I saw people crying out that a very large wave was coming towards us” describing her frightful experience of seeing the tsunami for the first time. She thought that her husband was washed away with the tsunami but fortunately he had survived it. Although her husband had survived it he fell seriously ill after he had gulped the brackish water several times. He became depressed that he had lost his house, which he had built through his hard earned money.

Their house had some six small rooms and a kitchen. They managed to build this house purely with their savings and also by repaying the loan they had obtained initially. At this juncture she came to know about Caritas Batticaloa -EHED’s National Animation Programme. “I heard about the activities of EHED in Periya kallar during the year 2000 I decided to join as a group member not because what it was assisting its members with but because of the high values it taught its’ members.” When she joined as a member of Caritas EHED group, EHED was engaged in training its group members in leadership, group formation and on saving habits.

After the tsunami, Ms Rasa’s family spent a period of three months in a refugee camp amidst many hardships and they were provided with a tent by another NGO. “Periya Kallar causeway which connected Periya Kallar and onthachimadam on the Batticalao Kalmunai road had been completely washed away and my husband and my self began the trade of transporting passengers between Periya Kallar and onthachimadam by our boat which was damaged by the tsunami. The day’s earnings were substantial and it helped us to repay the loan and also to fulfill our daily needs.” says Mrs. Alatrees describing her post tsunami experiences.

As she was a member of Caritas EHED’s Self help Group (SHG), Animators from Caritas EHED visited her and she was provided with a temporary shelter and then later with a permanent house. “When my husband learnt that Caritas EHED was about to provide us with a permanent house in place of the one we lost to the tsunami there was a considerable improvement in his state of mind” she said.

“I chose a model which we liked very much and Caritas EHED introduced the self built scheme. I hired a skilled mason who built my house and Caritas EHED paid him through me”. During the building process the Animators and the Technical officers of Caritas EHED constantly monitoring the building activities. “Whenever I pointed out certain modification that could be convenient to me, the technical staff of Caritas EHED acceded to my request and the skilled mason made the necessary alternations.” She further added.

In addition to being assisted with a brand new house build according to her wishes with certain alternation that suited her convenience, Caritas EHED also gave livelihood assistance by way of loan and grant. She used the financial assistance to enhance her family trade. With the money she received she was also able beautify her house and also purchase certain house hold electrical appliances. She also knows the value of education and hopes for a bright future for her children,“Although my husband is illiterate and I was fortunate to learn to read and write without going to school, I know the value of education and am determined to give my children a decent education.”

Giving a helping hand to a needy

“A young girl was raped by one of the deputy minister’s personal body guard influencing all his power” said Asela Bandara, Setik Human Rights programme Coordinator. The victim was abandoned on the public road.

When this news reached the “Setik” institute Asela set out to guide the victim. By that time the victim and her family had moved out of their own residential region since they received death threats from the accused person.

Dilrukshi Kumari a young girl of 19 years lived with her grandmother. She had completed her school education and lived an active life as a young woman. But after that fateful night she was sexually abused by an intruder she was deeply disturbed and would not even come out her home.

When Asela met her and after few counseling sessions this victimized young woman was able to come out with whole tragic experience. She said “I am ready to relate about this unfortunate incident if you can bring justice to me by brining the culprit to realize the gravity of this crime and resolve never more to act in such a manner”.

On 14th April and intruder came to her home - he assaulted her grandmother and carried away the young victim to the public road and sexually abused her. “I struggled hard to escape from him but failed to get free” Dilrukshi explained.

Asela said “the assailant was a private security guard of a powerful politician”. Later on the victim and her family had received death threats from the assailant’s party. Dilrukshi said “we made a complaint at the Police station and also handed over a medical report, but the Police didn’t take any action because of the power of the politician”.

It is unfortunate that guardians of the law in our country are often indifferent to such violation of fundamental rights of our people. This is very common in today’s society. Day by day criminal violence is increasing in the country.

Asela said “Cafod organization is assisting us financially to work and bring justice to victims of injustice and abuse whose fundamental rights are violated”. He further said by their upholding the rights of victims of abuse and crime they work earnestly to restore the rights of such victims to build up their personality and empower the abused persons to regain their rights.

Dilrukshi’s case is at present pending in the High Courts. She has been empowered to fearlessly appear in the courts by the guidance and counseling given by the counseling provided by “Setik”.

Dilruskhi says “I am a married woman today; my husband is very supportive and is a strength to me in my efforts in seeking justice and standing up my rights”

“Setik Human Rights unit is very much thankful to “Cafod” for the financial assistance given to presence “Dilrukshi’s case” and bring justice as well as a better future to her” said Asela requesting for the same in the future.