10:06 AM laurastorr2: Hi Niloo - are you there - I've worked it out
10:07 AM Either google has updated its pages or internet explorer 7 has affected it - but looks like I can still get on
niloopafernando@gmail.com has joined
10:08 AM niloopafernando: hi im in
10:09 AM laurastorr2: Great - I haven't had time to read your story yet as I only just got into the office - problems on transport - I will quickly read it now
10:12 AM Not sure where buddhi is but we can start if you like
10:13 AM Ok - Niloo I've had a quick read. The language is much better - you are using very simple language which is great and its much clearer
10:14 AM But there are still some problems with the structure. It reads more like a history than anything else.
I want you to think of the main thing you are trying to say with this story and write it in one sentence - can you do that now
10:17 AM Hi NIloo - just checking you are still there?
niloopafernando: yes
sorry was out for a lil
10:18 AM laurastorr2: I can't get hold of Buddhi - she is now 20 mintues late so I think we'll have to do the session alone
10:19 AM I've just found her - she is coming in
10:20 AM niloopafernando: o.k.
buddhi.dissanayake@gmail.com has joined
10:21 AM niloopafernando: just have to meet with the manager for a sec. will come as quickly as possible
buddhi.dissanayake: I joined you Laura am I with you all
10:22 AM laurastorr2: Oh dear - this is a bit tricky as Niloo keeps having to leave - Buddhi lets carry on
buddhi.dissanayake: Ya I am ready
10:23 AM laurastorr2: Ok buddhi - I'm going to focus on the beginning of your story. It's a definite improvement - you have brought the most interesting thing to the top but its still a bit clumsy
Intros are really important - it has to be snappy and interest the read and make them want to read on - so think about the following
What are you really trying to say?
10:24 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Nice to hear that I have improved a bit. Will you explain the word "clumsy" please
laurastorr2: How would you explain it to your mum or a friend in a short sentence?
What is the single message you are trying to convey?
Can you make it shorter?
10:25 AM buddhi.dissanayake: I want to focus on the improvement of the case. I mean this case was taken to the high court very soon comparing to the others. As well as I want to show the courage of the victim to face the courts
10:28 AM laurastorr2: Ok sorry - clumsy just means its not quite clear enough - starting with a quote is fine but it needs to be really strong - I think starting with a quote that talks about someone else - in this case "a young girl" immediately detaches the reader from what's happened. It would be much stronger if the quote was from the girl herself. Something like "I was walking home one night when a man came up behind me and dragged me to the side of the road" explained 19-year-old Mary who was raped near her home in Colombo.
10:29 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Normally in Sri Lanka rape cases take a long time to drug into the High court. But this case was taken very soon. Now this girl is facing to the courts without any fear. That is mainly becuase she knows that the Setik is always with her and she is enouraged by our lawyers and counsellors.
10:30 AM laurastorr2: Ok - so what do you think the most interesting thing about this story - is it that the case was taken to court quickly?
buddhi.dissanayake: Oh yah I got what you have explained. Understood thanks
niloopafernando: im sorry there is this communicator trying to come to SL on the 19th. I am trying to coordinate with the diocese.
10:31 AM laurastorr2: Ok - I want you to write a new intro sentence now - think of what the main message is of the story and write it in one sentence. NIloo - you can do it too either for Buddhi's story or for your own. I want the sentence to make me want to read on....
buddhi.dissanayake: Yes I belive it is mainly because of the Setik HR unit's involvement
10:32 AM laurastorr2: NIloo - no worries - lets just do what we can
10:33 AM Would it help if we looked at some examples - I can show you some on bbc online or on the CAFOD website - let me know
10:35 AM buddhi.dissanayake: "Dilrukshi's rape case was taken to the high court within a very short period" said Mr. Asela Bandara explaining the Setik HR work
10:36 AM I prepared the starting sentence focusing on the importance of the Setik HR unit. I think it will make me easier to talk about Cafod's involvement in this regard. Am I correct. Any comments please
laurastorr2: Ok buddhi - this is a bit tricky but here goes
10:38 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Actually I didn't have a clear idea whether to focus on the victim or Setik HR work. Now I got it
laurastorr2: Personally I think the most interesting thing about this story is that the girl was raped in the first place - so I think its better to focus on that - you can then explain in the second sentence that because of Setik HR the case was taken to court quickly
10:39 AM Let me tell you something important about news writing - its called the 5 Ws. You should try and get the following near the top of the story:
Who - who are we talking about? In this case 19-year-old Dilrukshi
10:40 AM Where - where is this taking place - a place in Colombo - which place? If you are writing for UK they may not know that Kandy is in central Sri Lanka - or that Batticaloa is in the east so it might be better to say central Sri Lanka rather than Kandy for example
10:42 AM When - when did this happen? This matters more when its a news story that happened recently - rather than something that happened a few years ago - for example - last night, today, last week. However - if it was 6 months ago I would probably leave the exact when out as it makes it look too old. However - in the middle of the night - is important information
What - what has happened - Dilrukshi was raped
10:43 AM Why? This is something you would explore later in the story. In this case its not why was she raped necessarily - but why are you telling the story? This is when Setik HR would come in - you are telling the story because Setik HR has helped this girl and taken her case to court in a short time
10:45 AM Hi Niloo - are you there? I can't work it out - let me know I don't want to ignore you!
10:46 AM buddhi.dissanayake: When we are writing a story using this 5Ws do you think we should use them in order....... Who, where, when what and why or can we use them where necessary
10:47 AM laurastorr2: No - the order doesn't matter - just try to get Who, when, where, what into the first sentence where possible. The why can normally wait until a bit later. The order doesn't matter - whatever comes naturally
Can you try writing the first sentence again thinking about the 5Ws
10:48 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Ok give me a moment
laurastorr2: Niloo - let me know if you're there - I'm assuming you aren't
10:51 AM buddhi.dissanayake: "On 14th mid night I was raped on the public road" said 19 year old Dilrukshi who lives in the Central Sri Lanka". (Here I use on 14th night without mentioning the year of the case as you told earlier this case was very old.
10:52 AM Niloo we two are looking for you. Are you there?
10:54 AM laurastorr2: Ok - this is much better. You have all 4Ws well done. Lets be less specific about the time though. A 19-year-old girl, who was raped on a public road in central Sri Lanka has had her case brought to court with the help of Setik HR.
10:57 AM When you are writing a news story (using the 5Ws - it is best not to use a quote in the first sentenc). We will talk about how to use quotes in another session. If you look at the sentence above I have included Who, what, where and why (we are telling the story). I have not included when. I don' t think this is a big deal in this case but I could include it easily without being specific about the timing can you see how?
I think this first sentence could be improved slightly as we don't need to say the road is public - aren't most roads public?
11:01 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Yes got it. I always try to use quotes because I feel that makes the story more intresting. I agree with you , with your example clearly you have included who where and what without using quotes. I learnt it
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11:02 AM laurastorr2: OK - this is good. Quotes are really important as you say - and sometimes you can use a quote as the first sentence - especially in a feature - but it needs to be really strong
buddhi.dissanayake: I can see that Niloo is still online and with us but no idea why is she silence
laurastorr2: Niloo - I see you are back, but we are at the end of our session - do you want to carry on for a bit longer?
11:03 AM Buddhi - how are you for time?
11:04 AM buddhi.dissanayake: I can be with you for another 15 minutes. I think I learnt how to start a story very well today and well understood.
11:05 AM niloopafernando: o.k. i can be i another 5 mins
i just have to get this letter approved to be sent to patrick
11:06 AM laurastorr2: Ok - not sure what's happened to Niloo as you say. Let's look at some other intros on bbc website so you get the idea http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7349955.stm
buddhi.dissanayake: Laura what about you with the time. It seems that Niloo is quite busy today with her work
laurastorr2: I can go for another 10 minutes or so - we started a bit late.
11:07 AM Is there another story you are working on at the moment - that you can write an intro for?
buddhi.dissanayake: Do you want me to look at the link you sent just now or can I look at it later on
11:08 AM laurastorr2: I think it will be useful for you to look at lots of intros between now and the next session - good websites to check are bbc - particularly for news stories. YOu can also check the CAFOD website www.cafod.org.uk and other charities. I want you to pick out the best intros, post them on the blog and tell me why you think they are a good intro
11:09 AM There are probably some sri lankan sites you can also look at - would be interesting for me to see how stories are written there - but I'm afraid they would need to be in English
buddhi.dissanayake: I haven't at the moment. As the Cafod is funding for us with our HR work I think I need to find a story from the HR unit. I think for the next session I will be able to find an intresting story. Niloo is having different stories as sedec has different projects with Cafod. But I have to quote one from HR work
11:10 AM laurastorr2: I think for the purposes of this training you can use other case studies - obviously it will be great if we can use stories that CAFOD funds. However, it will be good to have different stories so we can practice
11:12 AM buddhi.dissanayake: I saw steve asked us to save this live chat. He pasted our last discussion into our blog and it is very much important to look back. Do you know how to do that?
laurastorr2: I think you just cut and paste the text - don't worry I will do it
Are you ready to go now? I don't want to keep you from your work
11:14 AM buddhi.dissanayake: I can then use different case studies. I will try to use a case with Cafod project. Incase if couldn't find any I will get back to you with another intresting story. What about the dates and time for the next session?
11:16 AM niloopafernando: im in
laurastorr2: Not sure - as niloo isn't here its difficult to arrange now. I will email you both and tell you your assignments again. But it will focus on intros I think. I think this session has still been useful though. Shall we sign off now?
niloopafernando: are you free to do it now
buddhi.dissanayake: Niloo is with us now
laurastorr2: Ok - tell me when you would like to arrange the next session?
11:17 AM Assignment for next week:
Oh dear - I'm trying to cut and paste text and I can't - does anyone have any idea how to save this?
buddhi.dissanayake: What is the assignment for the next week.
11:19 AM Last time I also tried to cut it and paste it and I ased steve then he said he will do that but he didn't explain me how to do that. May be Niloos has any ideas,
niloopafernando: i am also tying to cut and paste
i think there is a option to mail the article
11:20 AM laurastorr2: Assignment for next time is in two parts: Look at lots of different intros on websites - you can check bbc news, CAFOD website, other charity websites - Christian Aid, Save the Children, Oxfam and any sri lankan websites you think are good. I want you to pick out 3/4 intros that you think are really, really good and encourage you to read on. Post them on the blog - and say why you think they're strong. They can be different types if you want - some straight forward "news" ones with 4 or 5Ws. Some starting with a description. Some starting with a quote?
11:21 AM niloopafernando: o.k. will do that. vil you be able to comment on my story later,
laurastorr2: The second part is: I want you to write an intro for a story you are working on, or have worked on recently. It must be one sentence - and it needs to convey the main message you are trying to tell your reader. Think about the 5Ws - but remember you don' t necessarily have to get them all in. Put this up on the blog too.
11:22 AM niloopafernando@gmail.com has left
11:23 AM laurastorr2: HI Niloo - I can do some more detailed comment on your story - but as I said before it reads a bit like a history - this happened, then this happened, then this happened. The language is great - really clear - but we need to work on structure. I think we need to focus on some specific bits of writing - like writing intros, how to use quotes, what language to use, how to create pace etc.
But I will comment on both your pieces in more detail and post my comments on the blog - is this ok?
niloopafernando@gmail.com has joined
niloopafernando: sorry i lost you
11:24 AM laurastorr2: Are you both clear what to do for next time?
niloopafernando: hi i am lost i think
11:25 AM are you there
laurastorr2: Hello - I am here - can you hear/see me?
buddhi.dissanayake: Yes. got it I have written down a bit coz still nobody is able to cut this page and paste on in our blog
niloopafernando: yes
laurastorr2: I will leave it open and try to contact steve to ask him. He is on his blackberry
niloopafernando: no
11:26 AM laurastorr2: Niloo - I don't understand you sorry
buddhi.dissanayake: That is better for us to have a look later
niloopafernando: buddhi can you send me the assignments again.
i lost the previous chats
i think steve is not online on black berry
11:27 AM laurastorr2: Oh dear - I need to cut and paste it. I will send it to your email address is that ok?
niloopafernando: o.k.
thanks
buddhi.dissanayake: Ok Niloo I will I have written down a summary on the assingnment since we couldn't copy this page
niloopafernando: o.k. thanks, email when you can
laurastorr2: Ok - what about a date for next time - do you have a suggestion?
11:28 AM niloopafernando: why dont you suggest
buddhi.dissanayake: I belive We need some time to do the assignment
laurastorr2: ok just need to look at my calender hang on a mo
11:29 AM Ok - what about 30 April or 2 May. The same time as today - 10am UK time - I've forgotten the Sri Lankan time difference?
11:30 AM I think if possible lets to 1.5 hours - as 1 hour is not enough when we have to allow for technical difficulties
11:31 AM niloopafernando: both days not o.k. as i am going on annual leave. My wedding is on 3rd may. I wont be back till 12th may
buddhi.dissanayake: 2nd May is fine for me since our monthly evaluation is going to be on 30th April
laurastorr2: Wow - congratulations! I am also getting married this year - but not till 3 May. Will look for a time later - hang on
11:32 AM niloopafernando: congrats to you too.
buddhi.dissanayake: Oh..Congratulations for your new life
laurastorr2: I meant - not till 4 October sorry
buddhi.dissanayake: Oh Laura for you too Congrats
laurastorr2: Anyway - back to the training. How about 14/15 May 10am Uk time
11:33 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Both dates are ok for me for the moment
11:34 AM laurastorr2: Hi guys - I really need to go to the loo back in a mo
niloopafernando: me too
11:35 AM 14 or the 15th
11:36 AM laurastorr2: Ok - lets say 14 May then 10-11.30am Uk time
buddhi.dissanayake: Ok done
laurastorr2: Ok - i'm off now then
11:37 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Ok Laura thanks bye. Bye Niloo
niloopafernando: bye
laurastorr2: Bye
11:39 AM niloopafernando: buddhi you can send me assignment , no?
buddhi.dissanayake: Ok give me a moment
11:41 AM niloopafernando: just email
11:42 AM buddhi.dissanayake: Ok I will sent it to your g.mail account
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Mrs. Rasa's story edited
EDITED - Lending a helping hand to a hard worker
Ms. Rasa Alatrees is from a very poor fisherman’s family in Periya Kallar. She didn’t go to school because her parents had no money. From the age of 13, the normal school going stage for other children of her age, Rasa began to assist her parents in their family trade of fishing.“ In the mornings I used to take my three brother to the near by school and wait outside the class room for him. It was at this time that I learnt to read and write by observing the class” says Rasa.
At the age of 17 she married a neighbor who was from a very poor family like hers. Rasa’s parents did not even have enough money to give their daughter a dowry. Her husband’s parents had no means to assist him financially either. And so Rasa and her husband had to eke out a living and start their married life without any money.
Rasa and her husband fished in the lagoon after they were married. She used to paddle the boat while her husband handled the fishing net. For Rasa it was no different because this is what she knew to do from the days she and her father went fishing . She and her husband saved some money to build a house, “We managed to safe some money and purchase a piece of land for ourselves. There after we obtained a loan from the village money lender and commenced building our house” she sai.
Ms. Rasa too was a victim of the tsunami.“On 26th December I had come home from Sunday mass carrying my son while my two other children were still in church. Suddenly there was big commotion in the street and I saw people crying out that a very large wave was coming towards us” describing her frightful experience of seeing the tsunami for the first time. She thought that her husband was washed away with the tsunami but fortunately he had survived it. Although her husband had survived it he fell seriously ill after he had gulped the brackish water several times. He became depressed that he had lost his house, which he had built through his hard earned money.
Their house had some six small rooms and a kitchen. They managed to build this house purely with their savings and also by repaying the loan they had obtained initially. At this juncture she came to know about Caritas Batticaloa -EHED’s National Animation Programme. “I heard about the activities of EHED in Periya kallar during the year 2000 I decided to join as a group member not because what it was assisting its members with but because of the high values it taught its’ members.” When she joined as a member of Caritas EHED group, EHED was engaged in training its group members in leadership, group formation and on saving habits.
After the tsunami, Ms Rasa’s family spent a period of three months in a refugee camp amidst many hardships and they were provided with a tent by another NGO. “Periya Kallar causeway which connected Periya Kallar and onthachimadam on the Batticalao Kalmunai road had been completely washed away and my husband and my self began the trade of transporting passengers between Periya Kallar and onthachimadam by our boat which was damaged by the tsunami. The day’s earnings were substantial and it helped us to repay the loan and also to fulfill our daily needs.” says Mrs. Alatrees describing her post tsunami experiences.
As she was a member of Caritas EHED’s Self help Group (SHG), Animators from Caritas EHED visited her and she was provided with a temporary shelter and then later with a permanent house. “When my husband learnt that Caritas EHED was about to provide us with a permanent house in place of the one we lost to the tsunami there was a considerable improvement in his state of mind” she said.
“I chose a model which we liked very much and Caritas EHED introduced the self built scheme. I hired a skilled mason who built my house and Caritas EHED paid him through me”. During the building process the Animators and the Technical officers of Caritas EHED constantly monitoring the building activities. “Whenever I pointed out certain modification that could be convenient to me, the technical staff of Caritas EHED acceded to my request and the skilled mason made the necessary alternations.” She further added.
In addition to being assisted with a brand new house build according to her wishes with certain alternation that suited her convenience, Caritas EHED also gave livelihood assistance by way of loan and grant. She used the financial assistance to enhance her family trade. With the money she received she was also able beautify her house and also purchase certain house hold electrical appliances. She also knows the value of education and hopes for a bright future for her children,“Although my husband is illiterate and I was fortunate to learn to read and write without going to school, I know the value of education and am determined to give my children a decent education.”
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Giving a helping hand to a needy
“A young girl was raped by one of the deputy minister’s personal body guard influencing all his power” said Asela Bandara, Setik Human Rights programme Coordinator. The victim was abandoned on the public road.
When this news reached the “Setik” institute Asela set out to guide the victim. By that time the victim and her family had moved out of their own residential region since they received death threats from the accused person.
Dilrukshi Kumari a young girl of 19 years lived with her grandmother. She had completed her school education and lived an active life as a young woman. But after that fateful night she was sexually abused by an intruder she was deeply disturbed and would not even come out her home.
When Asela met her and after few counseling sessions this victimized young woman was able to come out with whole tragic experience. She said “I am ready to relate about this unfortunate incident if you can bring justice to me by brining the culprit to realize the gravity of this crime and resolve never more to act in such a manner”.
On 14th April and intruder came to her home - he assaulted her grandmother and carried away the young victim to the public road and sexually abused her. “I struggled hard to escape from him but failed to get free” Dilrukshi explained.
Asela said “the assailant was a private security guard of a powerful politician”. Later on the victim and her family had received death threats from the assailant’s party. Dilrukshi said “we made a complaint at the Police station and also handed over a medical report, but the Police didn’t take any action because of the power of the politician”.
It is unfortunate that guardians of the law in our country are often indifferent to such violation of fundamental rights of our people. This is very common in today’s society. Day by day criminal violence is increasing in the country.
Asela said “Cafod organization is assisting us financially to work and bring justice to victims of injustice and abuse whose fundamental rights are violated”. He further said by their upholding the rights of victims of abuse and crime they work earnestly to restore the rights of such victims to build up their personality and empower the abused persons to regain their rights.
Dilrukshi’s case is at present pending in the High Courts. She has been empowered to fearlessly appear in the courts by the guidance and counseling given by the counseling provided by “Setik”.
Dilruskhi says “I am a married woman today; my husband is very supportive and is a strength to me in my efforts in seeking justice and standing up my rights”
“Setik Human Rights unit is very much thankful to “Cafod” for the financial assistance given to presence “Dilrukshi’s case” and bring justice as well as a better future to her” said Asela requesting for the same in the future.
When this news reached the “Setik” institute Asela set out to guide the victim. By that time the victim and her family had moved out of their own residential region since they received death threats from the accused person.
Dilrukshi Kumari a young girl of 19 years lived with her grandmother. She had completed her school education and lived an active life as a young woman. But after that fateful night she was sexually abused by an intruder she was deeply disturbed and would not even come out her home.
When Asela met her and after few counseling sessions this victimized young woman was able to come out with whole tragic experience. She said “I am ready to relate about this unfortunate incident if you can bring justice to me by brining the culprit to realize the gravity of this crime and resolve never more to act in such a manner”.
On 14th April and intruder came to her home - he assaulted her grandmother and carried away the young victim to the public road and sexually abused her. “I struggled hard to escape from him but failed to get free” Dilrukshi explained.
Asela said “the assailant was a private security guard of a powerful politician”. Later on the victim and her family had received death threats from the assailant’s party. Dilrukshi said “we made a complaint at the Police station and also handed over a medical report, but the Police didn’t take any action because of the power of the politician”.
It is unfortunate that guardians of the law in our country are often indifferent to such violation of fundamental rights of our people. This is very common in today’s society. Day by day criminal violence is increasing in the country.
Asela said “Cafod organization is assisting us financially to work and bring justice to victims of injustice and abuse whose fundamental rights are violated”. He further said by their upholding the rights of victims of abuse and crime they work earnestly to restore the rights of such victims to build up their personality and empower the abused persons to regain their rights.
Dilrukshi’s case is at present pending in the High Courts. She has been empowered to fearlessly appear in the courts by the guidance and counseling given by the counseling provided by “Setik”.
Dilruskhi says “I am a married woman today; my husband is very supportive and is a strength to me in my efforts in seeking justice and standing up my rights”
“Setik Human Rights unit is very much thankful to “Cafod” for the financial assistance given to presence “Dilrukshi’s case” and bring justice as well as a better future to her” said Asela requesting for the same in the future.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Record of our first online workshop - 14th March
Laura Storr has joined.
Niloo has joined.
me: me too?
Niloo: wheres buddhi
Laura Storr: no idea
You have invited dissanayake to this chat.
Laura Storr: no sign - doesn't look good
me: i'll just tell her to log out of gmail
Niloo: or send her the invitiaiton againa
me: she is logging out and loggin in again
will leave it to you laura to invite her back in - it may be too many of uswere inviting her [nose sad]
Laura Storr: ok - I've invited her twice already
Niloo: send her a invitiation once she logs in again
me: let her log out of gmail first
Laura Storr: Ok - I don't know when that is - but will wait
Niloo: tills she comes on line, can we decide what we will chat about .
for the 1 hour.
so that we may not waste time
me: well I would like Laura to comment on each of our stories
and saying something about their structure and content as well as what CAFOD particularly loks for
Laura Storr: Ok I can start then - I'll start with Niloo
me: ok laura can u now invite Buddi?
Niloo: yeah
Laura Storr: Given below is the story we included in the brochure
Story of Change- Batticaloa/ Kalmunai -EHED - Lending a helping hand to a hard worker.
When the tsunami hit Batticaloa, in the eastern coast of Sri Lanka, Mrs. Rasa Alatrees lost her house. “We had purchased the land with the money we managed to save,” says Mrs. Alatrees recalling the days she paddled the boat in the lagoon while her husband laid the nets for the catch. “We had borrowed from a money lender to build our house,” she continues.
The destruction of their house, and the pressure by the money lender to repay the loan, made her husband, who fell critically ill by gulping the brackish water of the Killer Wave, depressed as well. To earn their living, they set out on carrying passengers between Batticaloa and Kalmunai in their damaged boat, as the roads had been completely washed away.
She received a transitional shelter with the promise of a new house from Caritas Batticaloa/Kalmunai-EHED. “When my husband heard that EHED would provide us with a house, there was a considerable improvement in his condition. Had it not been for the assistance of EHED, my husband’s depression would have worsened and I could even have lost him,” she says with gratitude.
The staff of EHED had given her four designs of houses to choose from. “I chose a model which we liked very much. I hired a skilled mason who had built my previous house. EHED paid him through me,” says Mrs. Alatrees.
EHED also provided her with a loan and grant to start her business. She used this support to enhance her family trade of fishing, with training she received in leadership, group formation and savings prior to the Tsunami as a member of an animation group of EHED.
“I was fortunate to learn to read and write. I know the value of education and am determined to give my children a decent education.” says Mrs. Alatrees who learnt these skills only by observing the lessons her brothers followed in school.
OK here goes
me: did you invite Buddi Laura?
Laura Storr: The basic structure of this story is good.
I'll do it again
Ok - Niloo - It's important to start with the most interesting thing
Niloo: like?
Laura Storr: Tsunami stories - especially about housing are difficult now I think because they've all been told before
Therefore - I'd probably start it in a different way
Niloo: yeah, that where it gets boring even to write ir
it
Laura Storr: tell me abou tit
buddhi. dissanayake has joined.
Niloo: yeah, buddhi is in
Laura Storr: Anyway - the source info you had isn't great but I think you had two other options
me: wow at last Phew!
dissanayake: Am I join no
Laura Storr: You could have started with the depression of the husband as there are some good quotes in the source material
Or you could have focused on the livelihoods side of the story - the group she joined to improve her fishing business
I think this would have made a more interesting angle
Hi buddhi - glad you're in at last!
Niloo: o.k. but i didnt want to drag about the depression
Laura Storr: But I think the fact that the tsunami caused him despression is more interesting than them losing their house
me: whoops - we just had a 1 second power cut
not sure if I lost you
Laura Storr: I think you have to stop treating tsunami as the main event - and use it as part of the context
dissanayake: I read the stories of nioo and lauras as well and hope you did mine too
Laura Storr: For example - this person has the following problems, and the tsunami is just part of the history
Niloo: can you give me a sec, i have to run downstairs for a sec
Laura Storr: Don't worry buddhi - I have feedback for you too. Just started with Niloo's first
me: that's the beauty of an online chat ! [nose smile]
Laura Storr: I could start critiquing buddhi's work while Niloo is away?
dissanayake: Allright just watching your conversation and learning from it
me: well let's stay with Nillo's now as it will all be there on screen and she can reply when she gets back
Laura Storr: Ok fine
Another comment on your piece Niloo - It's always good to use the person's age and whether they've got any children as this builds up a little picture about them
It's also something they may have in common with the audience here
To vary the content you can do the following: Thirty-eight-year-old Rasa said "blah, blah".
Or "The mother of two was doing such and such at the time of the tsunami
Sent at 3:54 PM on Friday
Laura Storr: Also - in the UK we normally use first names in this type of feature instead of Mrs Altrees. I may use Rasa Altrees at some point in the story - but the rest of the time will call her Rasa. I think this is a cultural thing
me: it is good to learn those short cuts - rather than getting into detailed sentences
Niloo: im in
Laura Storr: It just means you don't have to repeat yourself as much - you can use the "she saids" to impart information
Niloo: o.k.
Laura Storr: If you look at the paragraph starting EHED also provided her with a loan
dissanayake: Niloo laura has given some feedback while you were away and have a look on above
Laura Storr: Wait I'll put it here
Niloo: i saw your comments
Laura Storr: EHED also provided her with a loan and grant to start her business. She used this support to enhance her family trade of fishing, with training she received in leadership, group formation and savings prior to the Tsunami as a member of an animation group of EHED.
“I was fortunate to learn to read and write. I know the value of education and am determined to give my children a decent education.” says Mrs. Alatrees who learnt these skills only by observing the lessons her brothers followed in school.
Right - this paragraph has a lot of jargon in it that a UK audience wouldn't understand
Niloo: what do you mena by jargon
what type of hjargon
Laura Storr: "She used support to enhance her family trade of fishing, with training in leadership etc" - how did she enhace her trade?
Niloo: o.k.
understand. i think i left out that part very convenint;ly
Laura Storr: What changed - did she employ people to work for her? How did the training help her? Did she make more money - I want to know more detail here
I think the problem you have is you're relying on other people's interviews which is hard - as you need to rely on them to ask the right questions
Niloo: yeah.
your right
if i asked the quesiotn it would be different
Laura Storr: It's always hard when you're trying to right something from source material that has lots of gaps
Niloo: maybe you should also start to critique buddhi's story
she may get bored
Laura Storr: Another tip - try to keep your sentences short. It makes it easier to read and helps keep attention. You can also use shorter sentences to create drama
Ok - I'll move to buddhi's now
Buddhi - as you did an interview first I'd like to critique that too.
me: I have noticed a tendency in web stories to make each sentence a paragraph on its own
really cutting up long paragraphs - what is CAFOD's style in this respect?
Laura Storr: Yep - thats the way to write for the web - long paragraphs on websites just don't look right
Niloo: id also like to learn on how to write for the web
Laura Storr: We do that at CAFOD - pretty much one sentence per paragraph
dissanayake: Yea I also noticed it
Laura Storr: Ok - well I'll note down web writing for the future. But will critique buddhi now
So - the first thing I want to say about your interview - is its a good idea to ask the person to tell you about someone that particularly sticks with them
dissanayake: Yea I am waiting for the feedback
Laura Storr: And the info you got on the incident itself is really good
me: as a useful aside - I have divided my screen in tow - the lef t half for the chat window and the right half for the blog with the stories
two [nose smile]
Laura Storr: Incident:
On 14th April 2007 night at about 11.00 p.m when I was staying at my home with my grandmother somebody knocked our door. When we ask who is knocking the door, the person said to open the door, if not will break it. As he didn’t tell his name we didn’t open the door. Then the person broke the door and came in. I recognize him, he hit my grandmother and she fell off at the floor and she could not stand in. I shouted him saying not to hit my grandmother, but he didn’t listen to us and he pick me with his both hands and came out of the house. While my grandmother and myself shouting and asking help without putting me down he ran into the road and there only he put me down. I tried lot to push him away but I failed and he raped me. Nobody came to help me. Then after raping me he ran along the road and could not see where went off. Hardly I got up and walk to one of my aunt’s home. I explain the incident to her and the following morning we went to the police and put a complaint. I told the whole story to the police and later on I get them a medical report also. But nothing had happen because of the power of the accused party. Everyday we got death threats from them and we had to leave our residence also. (Victims name is Dilrukshi Kumari / 19 years of age)
It would be even better to have some quotes from the girl about how she feels/felt - but for this you would have to interview her yourself. This would make a stronger story
If I was interviewing Asela I would have asked more personal questions about her like
What motivates you to do this type of work?
How do you feel when you manage to bring a case to court and get a conviction?
Niloo: yeah, i think so too
Laura Storr: What do you find personally difficult about this work?
The thing about stories is they have to have characters - and the more personal you can get the better.
Niloo: but espcially when it coes to sensitive stories like human rights etc., how personal can you get
me: yes I can see there are questions of ethics too - so can't we sometime use flase names?
Laura Storr: In this case - you didn't have access to the girl who was raped - so you couldn't get these emotional quotes from her. Therefore you need to get the emotion from the other "character" in the story - which is asela
dissanayake: Do you think we need to interview the victim always or to can we get the first hand information from the person who is handiling the case?
Laura Storr: To answer your questions - I think this is exactly the time to get personal - this could be a really moving story. As steve says, if something is sensitive then you can use a false name and declare it
Sent at 4:09 PM on Friday
me: ummm - a pause - or is it my internet connection?
dissanayake: This is not the only case of the rape victims. This is the pathetic side of all the women in sri lanka
Laura Storr: Your internet connection - I invited you back in
me: oh dear - hope I didn;t miss much - this is very helpful
Laura Storr: In a story though its important to focus in on one thing and make a real impact
As its come up - just a quick comment on language
Niloo: yes
Laura Storr: The word "pathetic" has different conotations here. I would very rarely use it.
dissanayake: Yes in my story i aimed the victim not the athetic situation of women in Sri Lanka
Laura Storr: sorry don't understand
Pathetic in the Uk is quite negative. It implies that the person you are talking about can't be bothered to do anything about the situation they are in. Other words to use would be difficult/tragic etc.
dissanayake: In my story I tryied to highlight the girls present status
Niloo: pathetic is not such a dramaic word here
dramatic
its quite a common word
Laura Storr: Buddhi - it may be better for you to write stories in your own language and have them translated into English as writing features requires quite an advanced knowledge of a language I think
dissanayake: It is good to learn some words from you laura. we here normally use the word "pathetic" if the situation is not good at all
Niloo: yeah,same meaning
but less importance given
like i said, its not such a dramatic word here
Laura Storr: Oh my god we're running out of time
me: well we can continue next week [nose smile]
i am learning
Niloo: o.k.
dissanayake: Yes that is true. When I write case studies from my own language it is more emotional and when I write it in Englished I do faile to get the emotional part
Niloo: can we decide on what we will chat about next week
so we can prepare
before hand
dissanayake: Yes it is good to have more training sessions
Niloo: or maybe you can communicate that to us through email
Laura Storr: I think I'm going to ask you both to rewrite your stories as the assignment for next week - but I need to give some more feedback
Yes - I think I can do it through email possibly
dissanayake: Yes with all the lessons that we gained today it is good to re-write the same story
Niloo: o.k. the only concern is we are closed office from next thursday
Laura Storr: Next week is not good though as we're off for easter. Can we make the next session in April?
Niloo: yeah
thats better
me: when does CAFOD come back?
Laura Storr: Steve - I can give a quick critique of yours if you like?
dissanayake: Yes we too closed for Easter
me: thanks - would be very helpful
Laura Storr: We come back on 26 March - but I'm running a photo workshop that day - would prefer to make it in April
me: 4th April?
Laura Storr: I found yours the hardest to critique to be honest - personal writing is much less structured.
me: umm - i will try to do an interview next time
Niloo: o.k. 4th april sounds good. do you think you could share some of the photo training with us too
dissanayake: 4th april is ok with me
Laura Storr: I think the subject is a bit difficult - talking about actors doing a play - even an interactive one is a barrier to the reader
You're describing something visual through a non visual medium and I felt detached.
Connecting the play to the wider reality
Niloo: maybe share some information on email. if you have
Laura Storr: Connecting the play to the wider reality was good - play is mirroring reality. but then I wanted to know more about the reality rather than the play
dissanayake: Yes we will learn through this chatting and e-mail. Specially we can share each others informations
Laura Storr: You could have used the play as a way in to talk about the conflict and your own experience of it possibly?
me: yes - have to say though my concern was to keep it short and not to becoing too boring - which I think i have a tendency to do
Laura Storr: Also - I wanted more about your feelings. Remember a story must have at least one character to make it engaging - you are the character in this one
me: Yes I see that
Laura Storr: Just as a finishing note a word about characters
me: yep
Laura Storr: This is for everyone! It's a good tip to think about your interviewees as characters when you're writing a story. There are two types - Micro characters - which is normally he main person in the story
dissanayake: Just one thing laura. can i highlight the victims character in my next story and the situation of her or the situation of sri lakan women
Laura Storr: They talk about their own situation - what's happened to them. So in today's examples they would be the girl that was raped, or Rasa who got a knew house
me: what's a wacro character then?
macro
Laura Storr: A full feature - will also have a macro character. This is someone who talks about the wider context. For example In Buddhi's story, Asela could be used as the macro character - you could use her interview to talk about the wider problems for women in sri lanka.
Niloo: who should be my macro character then
Laura Storr: However - if the feature was about her personal feelings about her work then she would become the micro character - because she would be the main focus, and you probably wouldn't have a macro in this case
Niloo: can I, make general statements and talk about the wider context
dissanayake: Umm I find this training is very much intresting
me: that also seems to be an inversion of macro verses micro??
Laura Storr: You don't have one as there isn't another character in the story. But you could make one up. For example I would probably write a quote talking about the wider problems with depression for example in Sri Lanka post tsunami and attribute it to a programme manager - then get them to sign it off
me: [nose smile] now how often has that been done in my name....
Laura Storr: You can make general statements - but in feature writing you should try and expand on your statements - usually through quotes. But be careful not to repeat yoursefl
Don't worry steve - it means your important!
me: [cool]
Laura Storr: I just noticed its 11am - I guess you're all going ready to go home now you lucky people.
I have another meeting so I will have to go.
I'll send more feedback via email - and some more tips about how to structure your stories
How do people feel this session has gone?
me: thanks Laura - can we all agree on a date to continue?
Niloo: im anyway going to view his chat later in the night
o.k. 4th april
me: well except for the early problem of getting Buddi in the room - it has gone well
Laura Storr: Someone mentioned 4 April - that's fine by me. Same time?
me: amazing how quickly time flies
dissanayake: so we are going to meet on 4th april at the same time. thank you very much laura steve and niloo. i feel this is a great opportunity for me
me: OK - 4th is in my diary
Laura Storr: I feel like we haven't had enough time.
Niloo: mine too
me: will await your instructions on the assignment -
Laura Storr: Do people learn from eachother's feedback? Or are you bored when I'm critiquing someone else?
Niloo: no, its good to follow online
me: well I ceraitnly felt I learnt - but useful to ahve it in the chat box now and we can save it to read again later
Niloo: sometimes.
dissanayake: Yes i myself learnt a lot from each other. great. each one had different experiences
Laura Storr: ok - have to go to my meeting. See you on 4 April.
me: Ciao Laura
Niloo: bye and thanks
dissanayake: See you all bye . thanks again
me: Bye Niloo and Buddi - have a nice weekend albeit thundering here as I type
Niloo: yes. have a good weekend too, all of you
dissanayake: steve will this text save automatically or we have do?
me: umm I am not sure - i think automaticall but to be safe type cntrl a
highlight the text - then copy and save into word
Sent at 4:35 PM on Friday
me: ah Cntrl a does n't work so you'll have to highlight the wole box then right menu click and copy - save into word
Niloo has joined.
me: me too?
Niloo: wheres buddhi
Laura Storr: no idea
You have invited dissanayake to this chat.
Laura Storr: no sign - doesn't look good
me: i'll just tell her to log out of gmail
Niloo: or send her the invitiaiton againa
me: she is logging out and loggin in again
will leave it to you laura to invite her back in - it may be too many of uswere inviting her [nose sad]
Laura Storr: ok - I've invited her twice already
Niloo: send her a invitiation once she logs in again
me: let her log out of gmail first
Laura Storr: Ok - I don't know when that is - but will wait
Niloo: tills she comes on line, can we decide what we will chat about .
for the 1 hour.
so that we may not waste time
me: well I would like Laura to comment on each of our stories
and saying something about their structure and content as well as what CAFOD particularly loks for
Laura Storr: Ok I can start then - I'll start with Niloo
me: ok laura can u now invite Buddi?
Niloo: yeah
Laura Storr: Given below is the story we included in the brochure
Story of Change- Batticaloa/ Kalmunai -EHED - Lending a helping hand to a hard worker.
When the tsunami hit Batticaloa, in the eastern coast of Sri Lanka, Mrs. Rasa Alatrees lost her house. “We had purchased the land with the money we managed to save,” says Mrs. Alatrees recalling the days she paddled the boat in the lagoon while her husband laid the nets for the catch. “We had borrowed from a money lender to build our house,” she continues.
The destruction of their house, and the pressure by the money lender to repay the loan, made her husband, who fell critically ill by gulping the brackish water of the Killer Wave, depressed as well. To earn their living, they set out on carrying passengers between Batticaloa and Kalmunai in their damaged boat, as the roads had been completely washed away.
She received a transitional shelter with the promise of a new house from Caritas Batticaloa/Kalmunai-EHED. “When my husband heard that EHED would provide us with a house, there was a considerable improvement in his condition. Had it not been for the assistance of EHED, my husband’s depression would have worsened and I could even have lost him,” she says with gratitude.
The staff of EHED had given her four designs of houses to choose from. “I chose a model which we liked very much. I hired a skilled mason who had built my previous house. EHED paid him through me,” says Mrs. Alatrees.
EHED also provided her with a loan and grant to start her business. She used this support to enhance her family trade of fishing, with training she received in leadership, group formation and savings prior to the Tsunami as a member of an animation group of EHED.
“I was fortunate to learn to read and write. I know the value of education and am determined to give my children a decent education.” says Mrs. Alatrees who learnt these skills only by observing the lessons her brothers followed in school.
OK here goes
me: did you invite Buddi Laura?
Laura Storr: The basic structure of this story is good.
I'll do it again
Ok - Niloo - It's important to start with the most interesting thing
Niloo: like?
Laura Storr: Tsunami stories - especially about housing are difficult now I think because they've all been told before
Therefore - I'd probably start it in a different way
Niloo: yeah, that where it gets boring even to write ir
it
Laura Storr: tell me abou tit
buddhi. dissanayake has joined.
Niloo: yeah, buddhi is in
Laura Storr: Anyway - the source info you had isn't great but I think you had two other options
me: wow at last Phew!
dissanayake: Am I join no
Laura Storr: You could have started with the depression of the husband as there are some good quotes in the source material
Or you could have focused on the livelihoods side of the story - the group she joined to improve her fishing business
I think this would have made a more interesting angle
Hi buddhi - glad you're in at last!
Niloo: o.k. but i didnt want to drag about the depression
Laura Storr: But I think the fact that the tsunami caused him despression is more interesting than them losing their house
me: whoops - we just had a 1 second power cut
not sure if I lost you
Laura Storr: I think you have to stop treating tsunami as the main event - and use it as part of the context
dissanayake: I read the stories of nioo and lauras as well and hope you did mine too
Laura Storr: For example - this person has the following problems, and the tsunami is just part of the history
Niloo: can you give me a sec, i have to run downstairs for a sec
Laura Storr: Don't worry buddhi - I have feedback for you too. Just started with Niloo's first
me: that's the beauty of an online chat ! [nose smile]
Laura Storr: I could start critiquing buddhi's work while Niloo is away?
dissanayake: Allright just watching your conversation and learning from it
me: well let's stay with Nillo's now as it will all be there on screen and she can reply when she gets back
Laura Storr: Ok fine
Another comment on your piece Niloo - It's always good to use the person's age and whether they've got any children as this builds up a little picture about them
It's also something they may have in common with the audience here
To vary the content you can do the following: Thirty-eight-year-old Rasa said "blah, blah".
Or "The mother of two was doing such and such at the time of the tsunami
Sent at 3:54 PM on Friday
Laura Storr: Also - in the UK we normally use first names in this type of feature instead of Mrs Altrees. I may use Rasa Altrees at some point in the story - but the rest of the time will call her Rasa. I think this is a cultural thing
me: it is good to learn those short cuts - rather than getting into detailed sentences
Niloo: im in
Laura Storr: It just means you don't have to repeat yourself as much - you can use the "she saids" to impart information
Niloo: o.k.
Laura Storr: If you look at the paragraph starting EHED also provided her with a loan
dissanayake: Niloo laura has given some feedback while you were away and have a look on above
Laura Storr: Wait I'll put it here
Niloo: i saw your comments
Laura Storr: EHED also provided her with a loan and grant to start her business. She used this support to enhance her family trade of fishing, with training she received in leadership, group formation and savings prior to the Tsunami as a member of an animation group of EHED.
“I was fortunate to learn to read and write. I know the value of education and am determined to give my children a decent education.” says Mrs. Alatrees who learnt these skills only by observing the lessons her brothers followed in school.
Right - this paragraph has a lot of jargon in it that a UK audience wouldn't understand
Niloo: what do you mena by jargon
what type of hjargon
Laura Storr: "She used support to enhance her family trade of fishing, with training in leadership etc" - how did she enhace her trade?
Niloo: o.k.
understand. i think i left out that part very convenint;ly
Laura Storr: What changed - did she employ people to work for her? How did the training help her? Did she make more money - I want to know more detail here
I think the problem you have is you're relying on other people's interviews which is hard - as you need to rely on them to ask the right questions
Niloo: yeah.
your right
if i asked the quesiotn it would be different
Laura Storr: It's always hard when you're trying to right something from source material that has lots of gaps
Niloo: maybe you should also start to critique buddhi's story
she may get bored
Laura Storr: Another tip - try to keep your sentences short. It makes it easier to read and helps keep attention. You can also use shorter sentences to create drama
Ok - I'll move to buddhi's now
Buddhi - as you did an interview first I'd like to critique that too.
me: I have noticed a tendency in web stories to make each sentence a paragraph on its own
really cutting up long paragraphs - what is CAFOD's style in this respect?
Laura Storr: Yep - thats the way to write for the web - long paragraphs on websites just don't look right
Niloo: id also like to learn on how to write for the web
Laura Storr: We do that at CAFOD - pretty much one sentence per paragraph
dissanayake: Yea I also noticed it
Laura Storr: Ok - well I'll note down web writing for the future. But will critique buddhi now
So - the first thing I want to say about your interview - is its a good idea to ask the person to tell you about someone that particularly sticks with them
dissanayake: Yea I am waiting for the feedback
Laura Storr: And the info you got on the incident itself is really good
me: as a useful aside - I have divided my screen in tow - the lef t half for the chat window and the right half for the blog with the stories
two [nose smile]
Laura Storr: Incident:
On 14th April 2007 night at about 11.00 p.m when I was staying at my home with my grandmother somebody knocked our door. When we ask who is knocking the door, the person said to open the door, if not will break it. As he didn’t tell his name we didn’t open the door. Then the person broke the door and came in. I recognize him, he hit my grandmother and she fell off at the floor and she could not stand in. I shouted him saying not to hit my grandmother, but he didn’t listen to us and he pick me with his both hands and came out of the house. While my grandmother and myself shouting and asking help without putting me down he ran into the road and there only he put me down. I tried lot to push him away but I failed and he raped me. Nobody came to help me. Then after raping me he ran along the road and could not see where went off. Hardly I got up and walk to one of my aunt’s home. I explain the incident to her and the following morning we went to the police and put a complaint. I told the whole story to the police and later on I get them a medical report also. But nothing had happen because of the power of the accused party. Everyday we got death threats from them and we had to leave our residence also. (Victims name is Dilrukshi Kumari / 19 years of age)
It would be even better to have some quotes from the girl about how she feels/felt - but for this you would have to interview her yourself. This would make a stronger story
If I was interviewing Asela I would have asked more personal questions about her like
What motivates you to do this type of work?
How do you feel when you manage to bring a case to court and get a conviction?
Niloo: yeah, i think so too
Laura Storr: What do you find personally difficult about this work?
The thing about stories is they have to have characters - and the more personal you can get the better.
Niloo: but espcially when it coes to sensitive stories like human rights etc., how personal can you get
me: yes I can see there are questions of ethics too - so can't we sometime use flase names?
Laura Storr: In this case - you didn't have access to the girl who was raped - so you couldn't get these emotional quotes from her. Therefore you need to get the emotion from the other "character" in the story - which is asela
dissanayake: Do you think we need to interview the victim always or to can we get the first hand information from the person who is handiling the case?
Laura Storr: To answer your questions - I think this is exactly the time to get personal - this could be a really moving story. As steve says, if something is sensitive then you can use a false name and declare it
Sent at 4:09 PM on Friday
me: ummm - a pause - or is it my internet connection?
dissanayake: This is not the only case of the rape victims. This is the pathetic side of all the women in sri lanka
Laura Storr: Your internet connection - I invited you back in
me: oh dear - hope I didn;t miss much - this is very helpful
Laura Storr: In a story though its important to focus in on one thing and make a real impact
As its come up - just a quick comment on language
Niloo: yes
Laura Storr: The word "pathetic" has different conotations here. I would very rarely use it.
dissanayake: Yes in my story i aimed the victim not the athetic situation of women in Sri Lanka
Laura Storr: sorry don't understand
Pathetic in the Uk is quite negative. It implies that the person you are talking about can't be bothered to do anything about the situation they are in. Other words to use would be difficult/tragic etc.
dissanayake: In my story I tryied to highlight the girls present status
Niloo: pathetic is not such a dramaic word here
dramatic
its quite a common word
Laura Storr: Buddhi - it may be better for you to write stories in your own language and have them translated into English as writing features requires quite an advanced knowledge of a language I think
dissanayake: It is good to learn some words from you laura. we here normally use the word "pathetic" if the situation is not good at all
Niloo: yeah,same meaning
but less importance given
like i said, its not such a dramatic word here
Laura Storr: Oh my god we're running out of time
me: well we can continue next week [nose smile]
i am learning
Niloo: o.k.
dissanayake: Yes that is true. When I write case studies from my own language it is more emotional and when I write it in Englished I do faile to get the emotional part
Niloo: can we decide on what we will chat about next week
so we can prepare
before hand
dissanayake: Yes it is good to have more training sessions
Niloo: or maybe you can communicate that to us through email
Laura Storr: I think I'm going to ask you both to rewrite your stories as the assignment for next week - but I need to give some more feedback
Yes - I think I can do it through email possibly
dissanayake: Yes with all the lessons that we gained today it is good to re-write the same story
Niloo: o.k. the only concern is we are closed office from next thursday
Laura Storr: Next week is not good though as we're off for easter. Can we make the next session in April?
Niloo: yeah
thats better
me: when does CAFOD come back?
Laura Storr: Steve - I can give a quick critique of yours if you like?
dissanayake: Yes we too closed for Easter
me: thanks - would be very helpful
Laura Storr: We come back on 26 March - but I'm running a photo workshop that day - would prefer to make it in April
me: 4th April?
Laura Storr: I found yours the hardest to critique to be honest - personal writing is much less structured.
me: umm - i will try to do an interview next time
Niloo: o.k. 4th april sounds good. do you think you could share some of the photo training with us too
dissanayake: 4th april is ok with me
Laura Storr: I think the subject is a bit difficult - talking about actors doing a play - even an interactive one is a barrier to the reader
You're describing something visual through a non visual medium and I felt detached.
Connecting the play to the wider reality
Niloo: maybe share some information on email. if you have
Laura Storr: Connecting the play to the wider reality was good - play is mirroring reality. but then I wanted to know more about the reality rather than the play
dissanayake: Yes we will learn through this chatting and e-mail. Specially we can share each others informations
Laura Storr: You could have used the play as a way in to talk about the conflict and your own experience of it possibly?
me: yes - have to say though my concern was to keep it short and not to becoing too boring - which I think i have a tendency to do
Laura Storr: Also - I wanted more about your feelings. Remember a story must have at least one character to make it engaging - you are the character in this one
me: Yes I see that
Laura Storr: Just as a finishing note a word about characters
me: yep
Laura Storr: This is for everyone! It's a good tip to think about your interviewees as characters when you're writing a story. There are two types - Micro characters - which is normally he main person in the story
dissanayake: Just one thing laura. can i highlight the victims character in my next story and the situation of her or the situation of sri lakan women
Laura Storr: They talk about their own situation - what's happened to them. So in today's examples they would be the girl that was raped, or Rasa who got a knew house
me: what's a wacro character then?
macro
Laura Storr: A full feature - will also have a macro character. This is someone who talks about the wider context. For example In Buddhi's story, Asela could be used as the macro character - you could use her interview to talk about the wider problems for women in sri lanka.
Niloo: who should be my macro character then
Laura Storr: However - if the feature was about her personal feelings about her work then she would become the micro character - because she would be the main focus, and you probably wouldn't have a macro in this case
Niloo: can I, make general statements and talk about the wider context
dissanayake: Umm I find this training is very much intresting
me: that also seems to be an inversion of macro verses micro??
Laura Storr: You don't have one as there isn't another character in the story. But you could make one up. For example I would probably write a quote talking about the wider problems with depression for example in Sri Lanka post tsunami and attribute it to a programme manager - then get them to sign it off
me: [nose smile] now how often has that been done in my name....
Laura Storr: You can make general statements - but in feature writing you should try and expand on your statements - usually through quotes. But be careful not to repeat yoursefl
Don't worry steve - it means your important!
me: [cool]
Laura Storr: I just noticed its 11am - I guess you're all going ready to go home now you lucky people.
I have another meeting so I will have to go.
I'll send more feedback via email - and some more tips about how to structure your stories
How do people feel this session has gone?
me: thanks Laura - can we all agree on a date to continue?
Niloo: im anyway going to view his chat later in the night
o.k. 4th april
me: well except for the early problem of getting Buddi in the room - it has gone well
Laura Storr: Someone mentioned 4 April - that's fine by me. Same time?
me: amazing how quickly time flies
dissanayake: so we are going to meet on 4th april at the same time. thank you very much laura steve and niloo. i feel this is a great opportunity for me
me: OK - 4th is in my diary
Laura Storr: I feel like we haven't had enough time.
Niloo: mine too
me: will await your instructions on the assignment -
Laura Storr: Do people learn from eachother's feedback? Or are you bored when I'm critiquing someone else?
Niloo: no, its good to follow online
me: well I ceraitnly felt I learnt - but useful to ahve it in the chat box now and we can save it to read again later
Niloo: sometimes.
dissanayake: Yes i myself learnt a lot from each other. great. each one had different experiences
Laura Storr: ok - have to go to my meeting. See you on 4 April.
me: Ciao Laura
Niloo: bye and thanks
dissanayake: See you all bye . thanks again
me: Bye Niloo and Buddi - have a nice weekend albeit thundering here as I type
Niloo: yes. have a good weekend too, all of you
dissanayake: steve will this text save automatically or we have do?
me: umm I am not sure - i think automaticall but to be safe type cntrl a
highlight the text - then copy and save into word
Sent at 4:35 PM on Friday
me: ah Cntrl a does n't work so you'll have to highlight the wole box then right menu click and copy - save into word
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
3rd Year tsunami commemoration housing story
Here's is the housing story -
Given below is the story I received from Batticaloa - unedited.
Lending a helping hand to a hard worker
“Had not Caritas EHED assisted me with a new House in place of the house I lost during the tsunami, I would have lost my husband through depression of mind” says Mrs. Rasa Alatrees of Periya Kallar.
Hers is a very pathetic but courageous story. She is from a very poor fishermen family in Periya Kallar. Who had no schooling at all due to her parents abject poverty. However both her parents are hardworking people. From the age of 13 that is school going stage for other children of her own age, highly duty conscious Alatrees began to assist her parents in their family trade that is fishing.“ In the mornings I used to take my three brother to the near by school and wait outside the class room to ensure that they will not get frighten and cry out for me. It was at this time that I learnt to read and write by observing the class” says Mrs. Alatrees.
At the age of 17 she married a neighbor who him self was from a very poor family. Parents of her are very poor and they have no means to give her a dowry. Her husband’s parents had no means to assist him financially to start his married life. After they were married she went out to the lagoon with her husband for fishing just as she went out with her father before marriage. She used to paddle the boat while her husband handles the fishing net.
We managed to safe some money and purchase a piece of land for ourselves. There after we obtained a loan from the village money lender and commenced building our house” said Mrs. Alatrees while relating the history of their house which was washed away by the tsunami.
Their house was a large one with five rooms, a drawing room and a kitchen. They managed to build this house purely with their savings and also repaying the loan they had obtained initially. At this juncture she came to know about Caritas EHED’s National Animation Programme. “I heard about the activities of Caritas EHED in Periya kallar during the year 2000 and what I heard pleased me very much and I decided to join as a group member not because Caritas EHED was assisting its members with Grant or loan but because of the high values it taught its members.” When she joined as a member of Caritas EHED group, EHED was engaged in training its group members in leadership, group formation, saving habits etc…..
“It was 26th December 2004, we had been living in our new house for the past three years. All though it was day after Christmas, my hardworking husband had already left for beach to pull the ‘beach sciene’. I had come home from the Sunday mass carrying my infant son while my two other children were still in the church. Suddenly there was big commotion in the street and I saw people crying out that very large wave was approaching the shore” says Mrs. Alatrees while describing her frightful experience of seeing the tsunami for the first time.
Having seen the approaching killer wave, she had run with her infant son to the church and collected the two other children and sought refuge in the nearby Gov school. She thought that her husband had fallen victim to the tsunami. But fortunately he had survived it with his long experience in the sea. However he had gulped the brackish water several times and consequently he fell seriously ill and learning about the loss of his house that was built by his hard earned money he became depressed too.
The family spent a period of three months in a refugee camp amidst many hardships and they were provided with a tent by a NGO which they pitched at the site of their house. At this time those who had given loans previously to them began to press them to return their money because they themselves were hard pressed for money as they had become destitute by the tsunami. “Periya Kallar causeway which connected Periya Kallar and onthachimadam on the Batticalao Kalmunai road had been completely washed away and my husband and my self began the trade of transporting passengers between Periya Kallar and onthachimadam by our boat which was damaged by the tsunami. The day’s earnings were substantial and it helped us to repay the loan and also to fulfill our daily needs.” Says Mrs. Alatrees while describing her post tsunami experiences which consisted of many hardships.
Since she was a member of Caritas EHED SHG, animators from Caritas EHED visited her at this juncture and recorded her history. Thereafter she was provided with a temporary shelter and a permanent house was promised to her by Caritas EHED in view of her plight. “when my husband learnt that Caritas EHED was about to provide us with a permanent house in place of the one we lost to the tsunami there was a considerable improvement in the state of his mind”.
Since Mrs. Alatrees fell in the category of beneficiaries who deserved to be assisted with a new house in accordance with the selection criteria of Caritas EHED, Animators from EHED showed her four model houses to choose from and she did accordingly. “I chose a model which we liked very much and Caritas EHED introduced it’s self built scheme which was greatly appealing to me. I hired a skilled mason who built my house and Caritas EHED paid him through me”
During the building process the Animators and the Technical officers of Caritas EHED were constantly monitoring the building activities which I witnessed. “Whenever I pointed out certain modification that could be convenient to me, the technical staff of Caritas EHED acceded to my request and the skill mason made necessary alternations.” Said Mrs. Alatrees gratefully
In addition to being assisted with a brand new house build according to her wishes with certain alternation that suited her convenience, Caritas EHED also gave livelihood assistance by way of loan and grant. She used the financial assistance to enhance her family trade of sea fishing. With the proceeds of the sale she was able beautify her house and also purchase certain house hold electrical appliances.
“Although my husband is illiterate and I was fortunate to learn to read and write without going to school, I know the value of education and am determined to give my children a decent education with in my means”
Given below is the story we included in the brochure
Story of Change- Batticaloa/ Kalmunai -EHED - Lending a helping hand to a hard worker.
When the tsunami hit Batticaloa, in the eastern coast of Sri Lanka, Mrs. Rasa Alatrees lost her house. “We had purchased the land with the money we managed to save,” says Mrs. Alatrees recalling the days she paddled the boat in the lagoon while her husband laid the nets for the catch. “We had borrowed from a money lender to build our house,” she continues.
The destruction of their house, and the pressure by the money lender to repay the loan, made her husband, who fell critically ill by gulping the brackish water of the Killer Wave, depressed as well. To earn their living, they set out on carrying passengers between Batticaloa and Kalmunai in their damaged boat, as the roads had been completely washed away.
She received a transitional shelter with the promise of a new house from Caritas Batticaloa/Kalmunai-EHED. “When my husband heard that EHED would provide us with a house, there was a considerable improvement in his condition. Had it not been for the assistance of EHED, my husband’s depression would have worsened and I could even have lost him,” she says with gratitude.
The staff of EHED had given her four designs of houses to choose from. “I chose a model which we liked very much. I hired a skilled mason who had built my previous house. EHED paid him through me,” says Mrs. Alatrees.
EHED also provided her with a loan and grant to start her business. She used this support to enhance her family trade of fishing, with training she received in leadership, group formation and savings prior to the Tsunami as a member of an animation group of EHED.
“I was fortunate to learn to read and write. I know the value of education and am determined to give my children a decent education.” says Mrs. Alatrees who learnt these skills only by observing the lessons her brothers followed in school.
When the tsunami hit Batticaloa, in the eastern coast of Sri Lanka, Mrs. Rasa Alatrees lost her house. “We had purchased the land with the money we managed to save,” says Mrs. Alatrees recalling the days she paddled the boat in the lagoon while her husband laid the nets for the catch. “We had borrowed from a money lender to build our house,” she continues.The destruction of their house, and the pressure by the money lender to repay the loan, made her husband, who fell critically ill by gulping the brackish water of the Killer Wave, depressed as well. To earn their living, they set out on carrying passengers between Batticaloa and Kalmunai in their damaged boat, as the roads had been completely washed away.
She received a transitional shelter with the promise of a new house from Caritas Batticaloa/Kalmunai-EHED. “When my husband heard that EHED would provide us with a house, there was a considerable improvement in his condition. Had it not been for the assistance of EHED, my husband’s depression would have worsened and I could even have lost him,” she says with gratitude.
The staff of EHED had given her four designs of houses to choose from. “I chose a model which we liked very much. I hired a skilled mason who had built my previous house. EHED paid him through me,” says Mrs. Alatrees.
EHED also provided her with a loan and grant to start her business. She used this support to enhance her family trade of fishing, with training she received in leadership, group formation and savings prior to the Tsunami as a member of an animation group of EHED.
“I was fortunate to learn to read and write. I know the value of education and am determined to give my children a decent education.” says Mrs. Alatrees who learnt these skills only by observing the lessons her brothers followed in school.
Posted by Buddhi
Interview Transcript
Buddhi: Asela I am on an assignment to do an interview with one of our beneficiaries or staff member. Will you help me?
Asela: Yes definitely,
B: Can you briefly tell me about your role and about your background?
A: I am Aselan Bandara and I am the Co-ordinator of the Human Rights unit of Setik organization. We are manly working with the torture and raped victims in Sri Lanka.
B: That look fine and can you share with me one of the case study of a raped victim?
A: Yes, I came to know abut this case during the 2005 general election time. This young girl was raped by one of the deputy ministers’ personal body guard influencing all his power and this girls’ family was continually threatened not to reveal anything to out. Because of the death threats it was quite difficult for me to trace this family and victim.
B: Sorry to interrupt you. Didn’t you feel it is too risky to handle this case
A: No, we always took up such challenges and this was not a new thing to me.
So when I went to meet her family at her residence I came to know that they have already left their residence because of the death threats of the accused party. At last with lot of difficulties I was able to trace her new residence with the help of one of her relations.
When I met her she was very much reluctant to come out with her story. But finally she made up her mind and started to tell everything what she under went at that particular night.
Incident:
On 14th April 2007 night at about 11.00 p.m when I was staying at my home with my grandmother somebody knocked our door. When we ask who is knocking the door, the person said to open the door, if not will break it. As he didn’t tell his name we didn’t open the door. Then the person broke the door and came in. I recognize him, he hit my grandmother and she fell off at the floor and she could not stand in. I shouted him saying not to hit my grandmother, but he didn’t listen to us and he pick me with his both hands and came out of the house. While my grandmother and myself shouting and asking help without putting me down he ran into the road and there only he put me down. I tried lot to push him away but I failed and he raped me. Nobody came to help me. Then after raping me he ran along the road and could not see where went off. Hardly I got up and walk to one of my aunt’s home. I explain the incident to her and the following morning we went to the police and put a complaint. I told the whole story to the police and later on I get them a medical report also. But nothing had happen because of the power of the accused party. Everyday we got death threats from them and we had to leave our residence also. (Victims name is Dilrukshi Kumari / 19 years of age)
Buddhi: As an organization how did you help the victim?
A: After discussing and studying this case carefully with the lawyer as an organization we decided to handle this case and help the victim as well as to her family. We talked to the O.I.C of the relevant police station and then after they carried out the relevant inquiries.
Buddhi: What is the reason for non-functioning of the police in this regard?
A: It is mainly because of the power of the accused party. And usually the police does not handle the rape victims in a favorable manner.
Buddhi: What is the next step you have taken?
A: Then with all the relevant documents we file a case at the Magistrate court of Gampola. After the first inquiry at the court the case was taken to the high court in Kandy.
Buddhi: So, now the case is hearing at the high court in Kandy?
A: Yes
Buddhi: Now it is almost one year left after the incident. So what is the situation of the victim?
A: From the beginning the victimized girl was mentally gone down, so we provide her counseling service to get back to her normalcy. Few months later Dilrukshi got a marriage proposal and she got marry. Her husband is a member of our HR supporting committee.
Buddhi: What is the HR supporting committee?
A: The supporting committee is a group of volunteers who help us to carry out our HR work. There are grass root level groups, lawyers, government officers, graduates, in the committee.
Buddhi: Now what is the situation of the victim?
A: She is now pregnant and also she is confident to face the court.
Buddhi: What is the outcome of your involvement in this case?
A: First thing is, we were able to get this case soon to the high court. After her marriage because of her pregnancy our lawyer requested to judge giving short date for the trial and the state counselor also agreed for that. Now the case is hearing once in two weeks. 14th of March the prospecting the witnesses of the victim will be finalizing and there after the victim does not need to come to the court until she gets the final decision of the court. Normally court gets quite a long time to do this type of witness prospecting, but due to our involvement we were able to do that so quickly. So, I think this is a good achievement of our involvement.
Buddhi: What do you expect in the future with regard to this case?
A: We, as human rights activist and as an organization we hope we will get the final decision favorably very soon in the court against the perpetrator.
Write up
“A young girl was raped by one of the deputy minister’s personal body guard influencing all his power” said Asela, Setik Human Rights programme Coordinator. He further said this girl and her family was continually threatened not to reveal anything out. He tried to explain the pathetic situation of the powerless grass root level people in Sri Lanka.
The raped poor girl is only 19 years old when she underwent this desperate experience in the year 2005 at the general election period. She was raped in the road at night while she was staying with her grand mother. The perpetrator not only raped the girl he also hit her grand mother hard. After raping the girl the persona had ran away and the girl had gone to one of her aunt’s home. At the following morning the victim and her aunt went to the police to make a complaint the police. While the police was taking down the complaint when they heard that the perpetrator is a personal body guard of the deputy minister they tried to slip off from the complaint and asked the victim to get a medical report. Though she handed over the medical report she and her family found that the police are not very much interesting to do the inquiry. The victimized family had to leave their residence due to the death threats of the accused party.
When Asela - Setik Human Rights programme coordinator found the girl she had mentally gone down with the traumatic experience that she under went. She refused to come out to tell the story. Though it is risky to handle this case with the influence of the politician, counsellor of the HR unit of Setik was able to provide the victim with counseling sessions and to get her back to her normal life. When she built up the confidence and after studying the case carefully Asela said they filed a case against the perpetrator.
“Now the victim got married another person and her husband also involve in this case helping her to bring justice” Asela explained. Normally in Sri Lanka rape cases take quite a long time to get the final decision from the court. But this case was taken to the Supreme Court very soon with the involvement of Setik HR unit. Because of the victims pregnancy “With the request of our lawyer the judge and the state counselor agreed for short date for the trial and the prospecting the witnesses of the victim will be finishing on 14th March 2008” Asela informed. He mentioned that this is a great achievement and also this will be a great help for the victim to get ready for her delivery.
This is just one of the cases handled by SETIK’s human rights programme which is funded by Cafod. Violation of basic rights is a major issue in the present context in Sri Lanka. “We tried to prevent torture at least to some extend and we make the civilians aware on their rights with our human rights activities” explained Asela with the main objective of their human rights programme.
Buddhi: Asela I am on an assignment to do an interview with one of our beneficiaries or staff member. Will you help me?
Asela: Yes definitely,
B: Can you briefly tell me about your role and about your background?
A: I am Aselan Bandara and I am the Co-ordinator of the Human Rights unit of Setik organization. We are manly working with the torture and raped victims in Sri Lanka.
B: That look fine and can you share with me one of the case study of a raped victim?
A: Yes, I came to know abut this case during the 2005 general election time. This young girl was raped by one of the deputy ministers’ personal body guard influencing all his power and this girls’ family was continually threatened not to reveal anything to out. Because of the death threats it was quite difficult for me to trace this family and victim.
B: Sorry to interrupt you. Didn’t you feel it is too risky to handle this case
A: No, we always took up such challenges and this was not a new thing to me.
So when I went to meet her family at her residence I came to know that they have already left their residence because of the death threats of the accused party. At last with lot of difficulties I was able to trace her new residence with the help of one of her relations.
When I met her she was very much reluctant to come out with her story. But finally she made up her mind and started to tell everything what she under went at that particular night.
Incident:
On 14th April 2007 night at about 11.00 p.m when I was staying at my home with my grandmother somebody knocked our door. When we ask who is knocking the door, the person said to open the door, if not will break it. As he didn’t tell his name we didn’t open the door. Then the person broke the door and came in. I recognize him, he hit my grandmother and she fell off at the floor and she could not stand in. I shouted him saying not to hit my grandmother, but he didn’t listen to us and he pick me with his both hands and came out of the house. While my grandmother and myself shouting and asking help without putting me down he ran into the road and there only he put me down. I tried lot to push him away but I failed and he raped me. Nobody came to help me. Then after raping me he ran along the road and could not see where went off. Hardly I got up and walk to one of my aunt’s home. I explain the incident to her and the following morning we went to the police and put a complaint. I told the whole story to the police and later on I get them a medical report also. But nothing had happen because of the power of the accused party. Everyday we got death threats from them and we had to leave our residence also. (Victims name is Dilrukshi Kumari / 19 years of age)
Buddhi: As an organization how did you help the victim?
A: After discussing and studying this case carefully with the lawyer as an organization we decided to handle this case and help the victim as well as to her family. We talked to the O.I.C of the relevant police station and then after they carried out the relevant inquiries.
Buddhi: What is the reason for non-functioning of the police in this regard?
A: It is mainly because of the power of the accused party. And usually the police does not handle the rape victims in a favorable manner.
Buddhi: What is the next step you have taken?
A: Then with all the relevant documents we file a case at the Magistrate court of Gampola. After the first inquiry at the court the case was taken to the high court in Kandy.
Buddhi: So, now the case is hearing at the high court in Kandy?
A: Yes
Buddhi: Now it is almost one year left after the incident. So what is the situation of the victim?
A: From the beginning the victimized girl was mentally gone down, so we provide her counseling service to get back to her normalcy. Few months later Dilrukshi got a marriage proposal and she got marry. Her husband is a member of our HR supporting committee.
Buddhi: What is the HR supporting committee?
A: The supporting committee is a group of volunteers who help us to carry out our HR work. There are grass root level groups, lawyers, government officers, graduates, in the committee.
Buddhi: Now what is the situation of the victim?
A: She is now pregnant and also she is confident to face the court.
Buddhi: What is the outcome of your involvement in this case?
A: First thing is, we were able to get this case soon to the high court. After her marriage because of her pregnancy our lawyer requested to judge giving short date for the trial and the state counselor also agreed for that. Now the case is hearing once in two weeks. 14th of March the prospecting the witnesses of the victim will be finalizing and there after the victim does not need to come to the court until she gets the final decision of the court. Normally court gets quite a long time to do this type of witness prospecting, but due to our involvement we were able to do that so quickly. So, I think this is a good achievement of our involvement.
Buddhi: What do you expect in the future with regard to this case?
A: We, as human rights activist and as an organization we hope we will get the final decision favorably very soon in the court against the perpetrator.
Write up
“A young girl was raped by one of the deputy minister’s personal body guard influencing all his power” said Asela, Setik Human Rights programme Coordinator. He further said this girl and her family was continually threatened not to reveal anything out. He tried to explain the pathetic situation of the powerless grass root level people in Sri Lanka.
The raped poor girl is only 19 years old when she underwent this desperate experience in the year 2005 at the general election period. She was raped in the road at night while she was staying with her grand mother. The perpetrator not only raped the girl he also hit her grand mother hard. After raping the girl the persona had ran away and the girl had gone to one of her aunt’s home. At the following morning the victim and her aunt went to the police to make a complaint the police. While the police was taking down the complaint when they heard that the perpetrator is a personal body guard of the deputy minister they tried to slip off from the complaint and asked the victim to get a medical report. Though she handed over the medical report she and her family found that the police are not very much interesting to do the inquiry. The victimized family had to leave their residence due to the death threats of the accused party.
When Asela - Setik Human Rights programme coordinator found the girl she had mentally gone down with the traumatic experience that she under went. She refused to come out to tell the story. Though it is risky to handle this case with the influence of the politician, counsellor of the HR unit of Setik was able to provide the victim with counseling sessions and to get her back to her normal life. When she built up the confidence and after studying the case carefully Asela said they filed a case against the perpetrator.
“Now the victim got married another person and her husband also involve in this case helping her to bring justice” Asela explained. Normally in Sri Lanka rape cases take quite a long time to get the final decision from the court. But this case was taken to the Supreme Court very soon with the involvement of Setik HR unit. Because of the victims pregnancy “With the request of our lawyer the judge and the state counselor agreed for short date for the trial and the prospecting the witnesses of the victim will be finishing on 14th March 2008” Asela informed. He mentioned that this is a great achievement and also this will be a great help for the victim to get ready for her delivery.
This is just one of the cases handled by SETIK’s human rights programme which is funded by Cafod. Violation of basic rights is a major issue in the present context in Sri Lanka. “We tried to prevent torture at least to some extend and we make the civilians aware on their rights with our human rights activities” explained Asela with the main objective of their human rights programme.
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